Twenty minutes later, I was sitting in my car at the curb of my street, not his, feeling like the biggest kind of coward. I killed the engine, slowly pulled my keys from the ignition, and stepped out of the car. The distance between the street and my house felt wider, and by the time I reached the house, I was gasping for air.
What was I doing? Was I giving up?
Was I that scared of what I’d done, what I’d hidden from him, that I was unwilling to even face him?
My fear had held me back, and now sitting in my house, a week after he’d left, it was still keeping me anchored within these walls, unable to move forward. All those emotions I’d kept bottled inside for so long? They were making a comeback in the most hellish of ways and I suddenly felt like the weakest person on the planet.
I knew what I wanted, but I couldn’t seem to get past my own insecurities to take it.
Once again, the only obstacle in the way of my own happiness was myself.
Chapter Twenty-Four
~Garrett~
My feet felt like lead weights as I dragged my unwilling body out of the car and toward the walkway leading to Mia’s front door. I’d walked those steps so many times now that it felt like I had worn my own personal path down the center. Every interaction, both good and bad, since I’d found her standing in the street at that farmers’ market had begun with me walking down this old concrete pathway, and now, it would end with one final trip.
I didn’t want to be here. With every step propelling me toward that bright red door, my heart jerked and sputtered, and I faltered just a bit more in my stride. My body was in turmoil, and even though I continued moving forward, my heart was screaming for me to turn around and run because we both knew I would never survive this visit. Finally stepping onto the weathered porch we’d never gotten around to repairing, I held up my shaking fist and knocked, and then I waited. Sam’s barking grew louder as he made a mad dash for the door.
God, I was even going to miss the dog.
In a matter of months, my life had become completely immersed in hers. It was to the point where I didn’t even know how to exist without her. Everything reminded me of her. I couldn’t eat without thinking of the meals we’d shared together. I couldn’t sleep because I’d remember the nights she’d spent safe in my arms. All the while, she had belonged to another man.
I heard her a split second before she opened the door. She was yelling at Sam to be quiet. She pulled the door open, and I saw her instantly freeze. My heart lurched at the sight of her standing before me. Even in my anger, I still wanted her, and even as she stood there in stunned silence, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was.
Without a bit of makeup on and wearing nothing but a pair of cutoff shorts and a faded tank top, she was perfection, my natural beauty.
No, not mine, I reminded myself. She belongs to someone else.
“Garrett,” she finally breathed out.
“We need to talk,” I said quickly. My eyes darted around her in search of him.
She nodded in agreement. “Yes, there’s so much I need to explain.”
I ignored her comment. There wasn’t much I really wanted her to explain. I didn’t want details.
I stepped into the foyer, and my eyes continued their erratic dance around the house, searching for any clue of the bastard’s presence. I didn’t think I could handle seeing them together.
“He’s not here,” Mia said softly.
“What?”
“Aiden. He left the morning after you left.”
My fists tightened at my sides, and I felt the blood heat in my veins. Visions of the two of them entangled in Mia’s sheets flashed through my head. “The morning after, huh? Did you have a nice reunion with your future husband, Mia?”
“Stop. Please stop, Garrett,” she begged, tears staining her cheek.
I stalked forward, taking several steps, until I could feel her ragged breath on my neck. “Why? Does it bother you that I finally found out?” I bit out.
“We were never engaged.”
Taken aback, I tilted her chin upward, meeting her watery gaze. “He seemed to think you were.”
“He was angry,” she said. “There’s so much I didn’t tell you, so much I’ve kept hidden from both of you.”
Taking my hand, she led me to the living room. Sitting next to me on the couch, she spent the next hour telling me about the life she’d had after she left me—the real life without any gaps.
She’d met someone. When I had been drinking myself to oblivion just to be able to stand human contact, she had been happy and living with someone.
It f**king hurt, but at the same time, I felt a smidgen of relief, knowing she hadn’t been living in the same hell I had for the past eight years. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.
“He really was a wonderful man, Garrett,” she said.
“So, if he was so wonderful, why didn’t you stay in Atlanta?” I asked with a twinge of bitterness in my voice.
I’d said, it was a smidgen of relief, a very small smidgen. The rest of what I was feeling was just raw hostility.
“When I met Aiden, I was all alone in a new city. He was nice and charming and uncomplicated. He was focused on himself, which afforded me the only type of relationship I was able to give. He didn’t want kids or a ring. He just wanted someone to share dinners with and take to work functions.”
And share his bed. That part wasn’t lost on me, and seeds of jealousy took root in my mind, sprouting with vengeance as I once again pictured the two of them together. I hadn’t believed that Mia was celibate in the eight years we were apart, but now, I had a face to go with my worst nightmare. It was like someone describing Freddy Krueger compared to actually seeing him firsthand.
“But then, he wanted more?” I assumed.
“Yes.” She nodded. “I should have seen it coming, but I did my best to ignore it. When I met him for dinner one night, I walked into a completely deserted restaurant covered in flowers and candles, and I panicked. He gave this beautiful speech about how much he loved me and how he wanted me to be the mother of his children, and all I could do was stare at the exit, trying to figure out how quickly I could make a run for it.”
“Why?” I pressed, needing to know.
She took a deep breath and turned her eyes up toward mine. “At the time, I told myself it was because I was hiding so much from him. He didn’t know anything about me. And most importantly,” she said quietly, her eyes squeezing shut as her voice faltered, “he didn’t know I couldn’t have those children he wanted so desperately.”