Not only did I get to enjoy one of the hottest males on the planet, but I also didn't have to worry about when or if he would leave me. I wouldn't have to pace the floors, wondering if he was screwing someone behind my back or whether he would remember our anniversary. I knew exactly what he expected of me and how long our arrangement would last.
It was perfect, right?
Right.
"Are you sure? I mean, you don't want anything more permanent?" Clare asked hesitantly.
"No!" I snapped. "I mean, I am fine with this. He isn't my forever man, so why not have some fun?" I said with an encouraging smile.
I hadn't told Clare that I didn't plan on having a forever man. Whenever she had brought it up, I would deflect, saying I just hadn't found him yet. She wouldn't understand. She had one, and she would never comprehend how a woman could go through life without someone as wonderful as Logan. Personally, if I had a Logan, I wouldn't either. But the super-awesome guy store was currently out of stock, and I heard the waiting list was endless.
"Okay...well, if you are sure, then I'm happy for you. I mean, I'm happy that you're happy," she fumbled. "You know the thing with Daniel isn't always going to happen, right? I mean, decent men are still out there. You can't compare them all to him."
Daniel was my ex —ex-boyfriend, ex-lover...ex-forever man. He was supposed to be my happily ever after, but he had left me when I decided being a friend while my best friend's husband was dying took precedence over Daniel. He'd felt it was a competition, and like the spoiled little boy that he was, he'd left me. Clare had blamed herself for it for a long time. It wasn't her fault the guy was a grade-A ass**le.
"I know, Clare. I'm just not currently looking for anyone. We're just having a bit of fun."
She nodded her head, but I could tell she didn't quite agree. I knew she wasn't judging. She wanted me to be happy, as happy as she was, and I loved her for that. But I didn't think love was in the cards for me.
"Hey, you don't always have to help me with laundry, you know?" she said, changing the subject and chucking a pair of socks at my head.
"Um, yes, I do." I laughed, ducking to dodge the sock attack. "When I get injured doing something incredibly stupid —because we all know it will happen someday —I expect you will return all of these awesome favors with interest. So, you see, it's not a selfless act. I am really a selfish bitch trying to protect my own ass."
She gave me a look that said whatever as she continued to match tiny pink socks and throw them into the basket. She knew I would gladly fold a hundred loads of laundry with her if it meant less stress for her and Logan right now. After two months of chemo and a couple rounds of radiation, their lives had been hectic. Never-ending doctor and treatment appointments had taken time away from Maddie and household chores. I'd helped out in any way I could —from sitting at home with Maddie while they ran to the hospital to running quick errands for them so that they could enjoy a bit of free time together.
I remembered every second Clare had suffered during Ethan's sickness. Having to go through something similar, even if the chances were much better, was still a blow to the heart. Every time she had walked into the treatment room at the hospital, I knew she would see Ethan sitting in one of those chairs, remembering him growing weaker until his doctors had finally told him that it wasn't an option anymore. But she'd been so strong —so much stronger than I could ever be. She'd walked proudly by Logan's side to every appointment, braving every fear and memory head-on.
A knock on the door broke the brief bit of silence, and I glanced up to see Logan standing in the doorway, looking in on us.
"Hello, ladies. What are we doing up here?"
"Folding your tighty whities," I replied smugly.
"Hmm...well, I know that's a lie 'cause I go commando," he shot back, equally smug.
"Nice. That's a mental picture I'm keeping for my spank bank!"
"Leah!" Clare scolded.
Logan laughed as he came in, and then he sat next to his bride. He bent his head and kissed her softly before whispering something in her ear that caused her to blush.
"So, what are you two crazy kids up to today?" I asked, not exactly sure I wanted to know after seeing the blush that was currently taking over Clare's ivory skin.
With red hair and fair skin, it wasn't easy for her to hide any embarrassment. It was something I loved to exploit at all times. She was my best friend. Embarrassing her was my job. Apparently, Logan excelled at the subject as well.
"We are unfortunately headed for the hospital," Clare said.
"You are? You didn't ask me to babysit, did you? I can, if you need me to."
"Actually," Logan answered, "Garrett is watching Maddie today."
"Garrett? Seriously?"
Clare just grinned and nodded.
"How the hell did you talk him into that? And are you sure he's old enough?"
"Leah! I know he's my baby brother, but he's twenty-three! He's home this week, working in the regional office in town, and he wanted to help out. So, I told him his niece would love to hang out with him. He jumped at the chance. You know how much he loves her."
I did. It was just really weird to see Garrett —the kid who couldn't look at me between the ages of fourteen and eighteen without getting an instant boner —was all grown-up. It made me feel old, and I did not want to feel old at twenty-eight.
"Come on," Clare beckoned, rising from the bed, "let's head downstairs. He should be here any minute, and I know he'd love to see you."
It had been ages since I'd seen Garrett Finnegan. Growing up, he'd been the brother I never had. Being an only child to an alcoholic single father had meant that our house wasn't usually filled with the warm and fuzzy feelings most children had.
Clare's family had been my sanctuary from the hell that I'd had to return to every night. When I walked into her house, I felt safe and secure. Being there, I had a mother who hadn't left me, a father who had loved me, and a kid brother who I could taunt. It had been normal, boring, and something I'd so desperately wanted. Clare's mother had known this, and she'd let me stay over as often as I'd needed. I thought, at some point, she had even tried to take me away from my awful home life, but the courts hadn't agreed. Figures.
"Absolutely. I would love to see Goober. It's been ages," I said.
The three of us made our way downstairs. We found Maddie watching Dora and playing with Legos on the couch in the family room. I smiled and gave a silent laugh, seeing her watch the TV show that Clare despised. I knew it drove her batshit crazy, but she endured it because it was Maddie's absolute favorite. No matter how many other shows Clare introduced Maddie to, she always came back to that one. I think Clare had hoped she would grow out of it, but even now, several months into kindergarten, she still loved that stupid show.