He gently held my face in his hands, his gorgeous eyes searching mine. “Don’t you know?”
I was thoroughly confused by his question. “Know what?”
“There is no one else in the world for me.”
Butterflies fluttered in my belly and even that little feeling made me sad because I knew that things would change. No matter what he said, no matter how we felt about each other, things were going to change. I tried to stay positive but I knew what I had to do to protect my heart so, for the time being, I just played along and try to stay upbeat.
“Do you mean that?”
“Of course I do Sky, I love you. Everything will be okay, I promise.”
"Okay. Well, I better get going because I have to finish my paper. Jonathan, I'm so happy for you that this happened to you guys. You totally deserve it and I can’t wait until the day I can say to someone, ‘I knew that guy in college’.”
I started to walk out of his room and he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “Hey, what’s going on? Why are you talking like we’re never going to see each other again?”
I tried to lie to him but I was completely transparent so I just told him the truth. I threw my hands up in frustration.
“Because everything is going to change, Jonathan! I don’t think we’ll ever be able to get back to this.” I gestured with my hand back and forth between the two of us.
“Skylar please do not give up on us before we’ve had a chance to even see how far things can go. Please don’t do that.”
“I don’t want to but I think I have to.” The tears spilled over before I could stop them.
He looked panicked. “What are you saying?”
“Maybe we should cool things off for a while so that you can focus on getting ready for your new life.”
“No, I don’t want to do that Sky!”
“I know, but I think it will be best for now.”
He was visibly upset and didn’t want me to leave.
“Please don’t do this Sky, it doesn’t have to be like this.” His eyes were pleading.
"Jonathan your life is going to change drastically and I want you to be free to do what you want and date who you want. You'll probably forget about me when thousands of adoring fans are screaming your name. I love you and it kills me to do this but I have to set you free.”
He was crying now and my heart was breaking.
“I only want to be with you! Don’t do this Sky, please!”
“Johnathan it’s the best thing for us. If we’re supposed to be together, then we will be, I really believe that.”
“How can we be together if you’re leaving me?”
"If we're meant to be together, our paths will cross again one day. Go and follow your dream and enjoy every minute of it because you’re going to be a huge success, I just know it.”
"If it means that you are going to break up with me, then I'm not going to do it. The deal is dead. I don't want to lose you Sky and I’m going to tell them that I’m not accepting their offer, that’s final.”
"No! Jonathan, you cannot throw away this opportunity. You have been given a gift that so many people would love to have. You have to do it. Go on to tour, make records and live your dream, I don’t want to get in your way. If we’re meant to be together then we will be.”
“Can I still call you at least?”
“I think it’s best if you just focus on the band and your music. I don’t want to be any kind of distraction for you.”
Jonathan sat there with his head in his hands, slowly shaking his head back and forth, and he raised his tear stained eyes to mine.
“I don’t know why you’re doing this Skylar, you are breaking my heart.”
The tears were flowing down my cheeks and I leaned down and gently held his face in mine as my eyes searched his. “I’m doing this because I love you. I want you to be able to focus on your music 100%.”
I walked out of his room, wiping away my tears, trying to figure out how I was going to make it through each day. When I got upstairs, Katie was still napping so I quietly climbed on my bed, buried my head in my pillow and cried softly. I just broke up with Jonathan.
Chapter Fourteen
Katie tried to coax me out of bed to go eat dinner but I had no appetite so she brought some food back for me from the cafeteria. I managed to force down a couple of bites but that was it. She sat on her bed and looked at me.
“So, what happened Sky?”
I looked at her and tried not to cry as I explained everything.
“Jonathan’s life is going to change drastically Katie and I know that he won’t have time for me. He's going to have tons of fans, all these girls after him and how can I possibly compete with that? By the time this starts for him we will have been dating for less than a year. I told him that we should call things off so that he can focus on his music. I don’t want to be a distraction for him.”
“Sky, I think you’re making a mistake, Jonathan really loves you. You don't have to break up with him just because he got a record deal, you guys can work it out. There are planes you know, you can fly to see him while he’s recording and touring, it’s not like you’ll never see each other. I don’t understand why you want to throw it all away.”
"Katie, let's be real. Jonathan is gorgeous, rich and talented, he's going to have tons of girls after him and tons of temptation. I don’t think it would be fair of me to expect him to stay faithful in that kind of environment. I think he needs to experience that whole rock star life thing and then, I guess, if we’re supposed to be together then maybe later on down the line it’ll happen. But for now, I think this is the best thing for both of us.”
"You know I will be there for you whatever you decide, but I think this is a big mistake.”
There was a part of me that was too afraid to admit that I was scared of how he would change and all the girls he would meet so instead of waiting for him to break my heart, I broke up with him before that could happen. I tried to tell myself that it was the right thing to do, but the more I told myself that, the less I was starting to believe it. What have I done?
*****
Graduation was the following Saturday and I managed to avoid running into Jonathan all week. I felt sick to my stomach every day and I missed him like crazy, but I kept telling myself that it was the best thing for both of us. Katie was worried about me because I was barely eating so she brought me food every day to make sure that I put something in my stomach.