“Oh, no. She wasn’t…” Images of finding his fiancée in the middle of a tryst flashed in her mind.
“No, she was sobbing. Absolutely bawling her eyes out in an empty meeting room at the end of the hall.”
Amanda sat up. “What happened? Cold feet?”
“She was still in love with her other boyfriend.” His voice grew tight. “And he had broken up with her.”
“What the what?”
“No kidding. She’d been seeing someone for months, a married guy.” His voice went flat—absolutely dead from an old pain. “She thought they’d stay together while we got married, and eventually they’d both get divorced, and she’d walked away with money because chump, moron, trusting guy that I am, we had no prenup.”
“Oh, God.” And Amanda’s heart folded in half, stabbing her chest. No prenup. He’d trusted someone that much. “That had to hurt.”
“I made it out safely, but, bottom line, I blame myself.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t see through her. I let lust and love and what I wanted more than anything—a partner in life—put blinders on me. She never loved me. She told me that night, all weepy and sobbing. She never loved me and…” He trailed off. “Man, I must sound like a loser.”
“No, not at all.” Her voice sounded thick in her throat, making it hard to talk. “You gave your heart and trusted and…” Heat crawled up through her as his words replayed. What I wanted more than anything—a partner in life.
What she wouldn’t give to be that woman.
The thought stunned her, making her instinctively pull away.
“Hey,” he said instantly, drawing her right back. “It’s your turn.”
No, her turn had come and gone, sadly. And now…knowing without a doubt what he wanted? Now she really should tell him everything.
“I did the same thing, Zeke. Only I married him, and it took about seven years to realize that he never loved me, either. And there was a prenup, not at all in my favor. You’re lucky you didn’t have to go through that kind of pain.”
He turned his face to press his mouth against her palm. “I don’t think it has to be painful. Not love and not...any part of being together.”
She knew exactly what he was referring to. She could tell him that much, right? “You’ve already figured out the gist of it.”
“Sort of.” He took her hand and pulled them both down to lie next to each other. “But since I told you my story, you have to tell me yours.”
She let him line up their bodies with him on his back and her head on his shoulder, their legs entwined. They sank into the fluffy down, and he wrapped them tighter together. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, and the thunder had quieted, and the only sound was the soft hiss of the gas fireplace and the steady thump of her pulse against her throat.
Waiting for that to slow to a normal rate, she didn’t talk, but let their breathing even out and match, her fingers on his chest, unable to resist touching him.
“He was a control freak,” she finally said. “In every aspect of life.”
“What does he do?”
Now? Who knew? “Commercial real estate.” She flattened her hand and enjoyed the steady beat of Zeke’s surprisingly dear and trusting heart. “He was very good at it, too. Well, when the market was strong, I mean. But I met him my senior year in college, and he was older by almost ten years and so…impressive. He seemed like the perfect husband. I really didn’t have any great career dreams, to be honest. I wanted to be a great wife, do volunteer work, have some kids, be happy. I could lie and say I was ambitious, but I wasn’t. Ironically, I’m more ambitious now.”
“And were you happy?”
“For a while. Before we got around to kids, though, I had a sense that things weren’t…perfect. Work was stressful, and the market was bad, and that made him…” Mean. “Rough.”
He puffed out a disgusted breath. “He hit you?”
“No, he never hit me. He didn’t beat me or ever make me scared for my safety. I wouldn’t have stayed with him, I swear. When I say he was rough, I mean...” She swallowed, then took a deep breath. “Sex. He liked things…not tender.” She almost laughed at the understatement. “Let’s just say he had a domineering streak that really got, um, exaggerated in the bedroom.”
Under her fingers, she felt his muscles tense and heart rate increase. “I take it that didn’t, um, do it for you.”
“Nope, not my style,” she said softly, slowly. “I didn’t want to do what he wanted to do.” She closed her eyes, washed with the degrading memories. The truth rose up, ready to come out. She should tell him…everything. But something stopped her. Fear, remorse, shame, the knowledge that this had to end one way or another so why make admissions that would only haunt her and hurt him?
“Everything needs to be mutual,” he said. “Whatever people do together, it has to be mutual.”
“Well, it wasn’t. So, eventually, we did nothing and he did whatever he did somewhere else. Of course, I filed for divorce.”
“You’re smart. You got out. Mandy, I admire your guts.”
A chain of guilt snagged her heart, squeezing her chest. “It didn’t take that much guts. But…” She swallowed the rest, absolutely unable to say the words.
“But what?”
“Well, I guess I feel kind of dumb, too. I signed the world’s most horrific prenup, and now I’m…” She looked up at him and smiled. “Now I’m a maid.”
“Not for long,” he reminded her. “You’ll be a business owner.”
She patted his chest and nodded. “Thank you, Zeke.”
“Hey, I’m happy to help you out.”
“I mean, thank you for this. For holding me and talking to me. For not trying to... I mean, I was…” Ready to fall into bed with him. “Not sure how this would go.”
He pulled her up closer, brushing a kiss on her temple, wiping away more damage with one kiss than he could ever realize. “I’d never hurt you, Mandy.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t,” he whispered. “But I’ll prove it to you. And once you’re sure, once you’re absolutely one hundred percent sure, we’ll make love.”