I wondered how rude it would be if I smacked her upside the head with the book I held.
“So I know it’s bullshit. He would never do it. You did it after coming to the house Sunday and finding us asleep on the couch,” she accused. “Nothing happened between us. Not that I wouldn’t have been thrilled if something did.”
My eyes narrowed, and my hands clenched around the book. It was a really thick book.
“I knew you would break his heart. He loves you and—”
“If he told you I broke up with him, then he’s the one who’s lying.” Angry, I shoved my book into the bag and yanked the zipper up. “I didn’t break up with him because of Sunday...or for any reason, because I didn’t do it. Look, I’m sorry if you believe that. The last...the last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt Rider and I didn’t. He broke up with me.”
Disbelief crept into her face as she stared at me. “He didn’t tell me you broke up with him. I just assumed it was you since I knew—or I thought—he wouldn’t do it.”
“Well, you assumed wrong.” I started to walk away, because admitting to Rider’s ex that he’d dumped me wasn’t exactly brightening my mood.
Of course, she stepped in front of me. “Why did he end it?”
Jaw aching, I cast my gaze to the end of the hall. It really wasn’t her business, but out of frustration, I spoke the truth. “Because he thinks it’s better that way—for me. That I can do better than him.”
“That’s...that’s stupid.”
“Agreed,” I muttered.
“Like that’s super stupid.” Paige paused. “And you’re going to let him believe that?”
“Let him? I tried, but I can’t change the way he thinks about himself.”
“You should try harder,” she fired back.
“It’s not as simple as that,” I told her. “You...you know what he’s been through, right? He’s told you...some stuff. That crap he has in his head is there deep. I can tell him a million times that he deserves the world, but he has to believe that. Not me.”
Paige blinked.
A teacher stepped out of a classroom, frowning when she spotted us by my locker. “You two need to get where you’re going, which is not this hallway.”
Paige rolled her eyes as she turned away from the teacher. “You need to try harder,” she said again, backing away. “If you really cared about him, you would.”
I said nothing as Paige pivoted around and walked in the opposite direction. Try harder? As if it was that simple.
* * *
It was an absolutely beautiful day, and I didn’t know if that was fair or not for a funeral.
Part of me thought that the morning shouldn’t be so lovely. I wasn’t sure if Hector or Mrs. Luna wanted to see the sun shining so bright. Or maybe the gorgeous day helped remind them of the beauty of the world. Maybe some kind of meaning could be attached to the cloudless sky. I didn’t know.
This was the first funeral I’d ever attended.
Ainsley had met me at the Lunas’ church and we’d stood in the foyer for quite some time before the service started. My feet, mainly my toes, were pinched in their black dress shoes. Shoes I’d never worn before. I’d borrowed them from Ainsley since I realized at the last minute I didn’t have the right pair to wear with the wool pants and black blouse.
I hadn’t seen Hector or Rider. Not until the doors opened. The first thing I’d noticed was the chairs, and even though I didn’t want to look, my gaze had traveled the wide aisle and the maroon carpet up to the vases and bundles of flowers, to the casket.
The casket was open.
And I could see just the tip of Jayden’s nose and the smooth slope of his forehead. Ainsley and I veered toward the back of the room. I couldn’t go closer. I didn’t want to see Jayden like that, because I knew that was how I’d forever see him.
As people began to file in to the pews, I saw Hector and Rider. They were up at the front. Both were pale. Hector’s grandmother was already seated, her back to us, her posture heavy.
Rider was dressed much like Hector. White dress shirt tucked into trousers. I don’t know how long I stared at them, but Rider turned suddenly, and with unnerving accuracy, his gaze collided with mine.
I sucked in a sharp breath as we stared at each other from across the room. Neither of us looked away for several moments, and then Hector spoke to him. Rider turned, and I closed my eyes, exhaling roughly.
“Are you going to talk to him?” Ainsley asked in a quiet voice.
“No.” I twisted my fingers around the strap of my purse. “I mean, if he wants to talk to me, I will, but...I don’t want to create any drama. No one needs that right now.”
Ainsley leaned into me. “Do you think it would cause drama?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, but I’m...not willing to risk it.”
The room was quickly filling up, and I saw Keira and Jo sit in pews opposite us. They couldn’t see us and it wasn’t like I was going to yell Keira’s name.
The service started with a pastor reciting verses from the bible and when he began talking about death, my attention roamed to the casket. Lifting my hand, I wiped under my eye with my palm.
I didn’t understand how this could happen. How someone could kill another person in cold blood, and over what, exactly? A couple hundred dollars? The fact that I couldn’t comprehend such an act showed, despite my upbringing, how incredibly privileged I was. These were things that I didn’t have to worry about, not in the way others did.