“No,” I spoke for the first time, remembering the All Saint’s Festival and all the innocent people arriving at the castle. “We have to wait until after the Festival, there are too many innocent people that could get hurt.”
“Maybe they’ll help us fight,” Jericho volunteered.
“And maybe more innocents will have to die,” Kiran countered. Jericho didn’t look upset or defensive, but he did fall silent, realizing the truth in the statement.
“I know our original thought was Christmas, when everyone would be there. But that was when I thought Lucan would spare the bystanders. Now, I know he won’t give a second thought to destroying every single Immortal in his way,” I continued my argument. Avalon’s brow furrowed in understanding and he bit his thumbnail thoughtfully.
“Ok, then after,” Avalon suggested. “The Titans will just be coming off a long, strenuous weekend and Lucan will be unprepared. As soon as the Festival is over, we attack the Citadel.”
“And Lucan?” I asked, afraid there would never be a solution for him.
“If we cannot kill him, we can at least hope to take the Titans and the Citadel. Maybe, if he is exiled, living without a kingdom or an army, he will just crawl into a hole and die,” Avalon smirked at the thought.
“We can kill him,” Kiran reassured our doubts. “If Amory died, there is a way to kill Lucan. We need to spend the rest of these days trying to figure it out.”
“And you’re opposed to Eden’s prison magic idea?” Avalon asked carefully. He had never mentioned it to me before, although I knew he had heard me thinking about it.
“Are you Ok with her going down there and trying to possess some evil magic that will most likely destroy her?” Kiran turned the question on Avalon who averted his eyes to the ground in return.
“Well, no, but so far it’s the only thing we’ve got,” Avalon argued weakly. I beamed internally at his acceptance of my plan, although I could feel how opposed he was to the idea of me risking everything for a plan that might not even work.
“Isn’t it my choice?” I demanded bravely.
All three boys turned to me and in unison declared, “No!”
I crossed my arms defiantly but still shrunk back. “Geesh, it was just a question,” I defended myself weakly.
“Anyway,” Avalon continued, “we’ll be in contact with the exact details of an attack. But for now, let’s plan on Monday at dawn, after everyone has left the Citadel. I’ll send half of our people through the underground tunnel, and the rest through the gardens. You’ll have to let them in Kiran, since the door will only work for a Kendrick, and then just blast your way through the hedges. Those of us underground will head straight to the prisons to fight those Titans and let the prisoners out. You can take your half up into the castle and we’ll meet you there shortly.”
“If everything goes as planned,” I corrected, not feeling good about this plan at all.
“There are obviously more details that need to be worked out,” Avalon agreed, “but for now let’s work with this rough idea. I need to get moving and contact the rest of our people. I had planned to fly Angelica home with Tristan tomorrow morning. Sylvia would like some company, and I would like to get both of them out of Romania before things get dicey.”
“I like that idea,” I murmured, missing Aunt Syl fiercely.
“I’ll give her your love,” Avalon teased, and something in his eyes alarmed me.
“Just don’t give her your love,” I countered, feeling grossed out by the hungry look in Avalon’s expression.
“Oh, you’ve got nothing to worry about,” he smiled mischievously. “Bachelor for life, remember?”
“I’m trying to remember.” I resisted the urge to kick Avalon in the shin and turned my attention to Jericho, feeling like the meeting was at an end. “Hey can we talk?” I asked, preparing myself for rejection.
“Sure,” he gave in, and walked toward the shadows of the trees. “What’s up?” he asked, once we were out of earshot of the other two boys.
“Are we Ok?” I felt vulnerable trying to repair a friendship between us, but what hurt more than realizing I never really loved him, was the idea that we would never be normal around each other again. “I mean, I know we’re not together or anything anymore, but we’re still friends, right?”
“Eden, of course we are!” Jericho sighed. “Were you really worried I wouldn’t like you at all anymore?” He asked in disbelief.
“Well, yeah.” My eyes fell from his, ashamed that I hadn’t trusted him enough to know that he would put my feelings above all else.
“Well, you have nothing to worry about! I have always valued our friendship and I never planned on letting the fact that you’re meant to be with somebody else get in the way of that!” He teased in an over-dramatic kind of way that instantly put me at ease.
“Thank you for being so wonderful,” I gushed, letting him pull me into a friendly hug.
“Well, it’s in my nature, you know. I can’t do anything about it.” More sarcasm. And more of a feeling that we truly could go back to friends. “Speaking of Mr. Wonderful,” Jericho continued dryly, “how long are you going to let the poor prince suffer?”
“What do you mean?” I asked in innocence.
“I mean, with this whole you not realizing you’re madly in love with him thing?” Jericho’s straightforwardness embarrassed me and I couldn’t respond right away.
“Well, I mean, I don’t know….” I fumbled, noticing I had no inclination to deny that I was in love with Kiran. “I guess I just wanted to make sure that there were no left over feelings from you before I got involved with him. I can’t go through this all over again in a few months.” I smiled, trying to make a joke, but the truth resounded in the night.
“Have you figured out that there aren’t any leftover feelings yet?” Jericho asked and I had the urge to argue with him and assure him there were. But he knew better and by now so did I.
“I’m starting to,” I admitted, finally finding his hazel eyes again.
“It’s Ok, Eden. That’s how we got here, remember?” he asked gently. He was an amazing man. I teared up at the realization that I should never have played with his heart or even entertained an idea of a relationship with him. He deserved a love as strong, or stronger, than what Kiran and I shared. He truthfully deserved better than me.
“Thank you, Jericho,” I hugged him again.
“For what?” he asked, surprised by my tearful emotion.
“For everything,” I breathed, knowing that from this moment forward our friendship was firmly planted and the hurt between us erased.
“Don’t let him suffer too much longer,” Jericho scolded, walking me back to Kiran. “He’s going to need you these next couple days.”
“I suppose you’re right,” I sighed.
I looked at Kiran in the obscure darkness, his light hair was tussled and his jaw set firm in his strategic discussion with Avalon. I had never been more attracted to a man before. An overwhelming part of me wanted to leap into his arms and devour his lips with my own. But the smart, loving part of me, understood that there were words that needed to be spoken between us first. Jericho was right, though; it was time. My grieving period had ended with the final closure tonight and I was impatient to release my heart to the one and only boy I truly loved with everything I had.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I paced nervously across the apartment. I tried to plan this moment down to every second, but so far the only planning that came through was getting Kiran up here by himself. And now I didn’t know what to do, or say. I hoped my instincts would take over and I could just, um, wing it.
Part of me wondered why I was making such a big deal about this. He knew the gist of my feelings for him, and we were alone often enough that if I just asked him to come to the apartment, he wouldn’t think anything of it. But another part of me screamed to make this night special. I had mistreated him, mistreated my feelings for him. And so now, I hoped to make up some of that with a special evening tonight. I hoped that offering myself completely to him would make amends for the months of separation that made my heart hurt in the memory.
I hoped.
But he didn’t have to reciprocate. He might not even feel the same way by now. I’d surely let him suffer long enough and with the impending attack after this weekend, now might not be the best time to start anything significant.
Still I couldn’t stop the nerves and I couldn’t stop myself from explaining myself to him. Maybe it was selfish, but it felt more selfish to keep all this love bottled up inside me.
Love.
Was I really calling it love again?
I wished I could say that it felt like love and that was the only way to describe it. But truthfully, it felt like so much more than the meager, inefficient English word that was the only way I could describe my feelings for him. It consumed me completely, coated my blood in emotion, exhaled and inhaled with every breath I took, wrapped around every thought and action; the mere word “love” couldn’t fully encapsulate the true definition of my feelings for Kiran, but it was a starting point. I had the rest of eternity to figure out a better way to say it.
I stepped into the bathroom for the hundredth time to check my appearance. I had gone through my entire closest, throwing everything aside before settling on a pale pink slip dress overlaid with a long sleeved lace overlay. The pink reminded me of the gown Kiran sent me before the Fall Equinox dance, and I knew he liked the color on me. Or he had once upon a time.
My hair was down and wild. It was longer than it ever had been. I would have styled it into something cute if I didn’t know I would need it for a security blanket. I felt myself shrinking into the coward I hated, but there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I applied another layer of lip gloss, and used magic to turn my toenail paint the same color as the pink part of my dress; it was a trick Seraphina taught me and I couldn’t believe how useful it was. I pulled the black onyx necklace from under my dress and contemplated what would be easier, killing Lucan or admitting my love to Kiran….
A knock at the door genuinely startled me. One more big breath and I forced my feet to move to the door. I steadied my trembling hands and gathered my confidence before opening the door to let Kiran inside.
“Hello, Love,” Kiran greeted me happily from the other side of the door. I watched his eyes float over me with an expression that made my cheeks burn. He opened his mouth to say something more and then shut it, not willing to open up. He was holding back, still giving me space and time. Well tonight, I was going to change that.
“Hey….” I fought for confidence, feeling encouraged by his appraising look. “Come in.”
I opened the door and he sauntered passed me with a smirk on his face. I bit back a smile, and then leaned against the door to close it. The temptation to lock the door so he couldn’t escape irrationally whispered in my ear.