“Collin,” I said. “You shouldn’t say things like that to me.” I turned away, wrapping my arms around my body, pulling tightly. My mark. How did I become so careless that I showed him my mark?
“I figured I might as well say it. You can feel it anyway.” He walked up behind me, subduing his desire for me. His face turned more serious as he spoke, “Ivy, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you have demon blood flowing through your veins. It tainted your mark.”
I nodded weakly, “I know.”
He stepped in front of me, trying to see my eyes. “You know that you’re part Valefar?”
I cringed at his words. It pierced me in a way that I didn’t think was possible. I’d denied it so many times, convinced that I wouldn’t be what my blood made me—a creature of darkness.
Sadly, I looked up at him and nodded. “I’m a freak. Trapped by blood, and destined to die because of it. I’m damned, Collin. I’ve tried to steer my path in another direction, but it doesn’t seem to matter.” I pulled my lips into a sad smile.
Collin watched me. “You didn’t want this, did you?”
I looked at him, shocked he asked. “Who would? Did you want this? Did you want to be what you are?” He looked away from me, as the tension flowed out of his body. Memories swirled around him of a past that I’d never known.
“No," he said faintly, "I didn’t want this, but I had no choice. I’m a slave. The Martis are slaves too, but you—I’m not sure if you are.”
“What do you mean?” My grip loosened, as the tension started to ebb.
“The blood that binds the Valefar is demon blood. It gives us power, but it enslaved us. But you have both angel and demon blood. Are you dually ensnared? Or does the angel blood cancel out the demon blood?” I looked at him confused, unsure of what he was asking. “You can lie, right?” he asked. I nodded. “You’re not supposed to. Martis can’t lie—ever. Valefar have no souls, but you have one—and yet you have demon blood flowing through your veins. You’re dangerous because your power is unbound, and unchecked.”
“I don’t have any Valefar power, Collin.”
He smiled softly at my naiveté, “Yes you do. You can do anything that the rest of us can do—plus your most of your Martis stuff. I’ll show you.”
Shaking my head, I said, “No. I don’t… I can’t be like that. I don’t want it.”
He took a breath before speaking. I felt the weight of his words as he spoke. They were filled with regret. “Ivy, you’re already cursed. Nothing will change that. If I could undo it, I would. I’d do anything for you.”
I felt the blood drain from my face, as gravity threatened to pull me to the ground. I steadied myself, reaching out for a bookshelf. Accepting my fate meant that I lost. I wanted to fight it, and that meant not giving into the Valefar part of me. I couldn’t lose. I had to fight. “I can’t Collin. I don’t want to be - this.” I gestured at myself feeling disoriented. I didn’t like that he could feel my emotions through the bond, but I couldn’t hide them. I felt lost. Completely and utterly lost. “I can’t afford to make a mistake.”
He spoke urgently, taking a step closer. “But what if the mistake is ignoring part of what you are? What if the mistake is not knowing yourself? How can you fight to save your life, when you are denying part of you? It’s not like our powers are inherently evil, Ivy. You might be able to use them differently.” His words caught my attention. They may be Valefar lies. They had to be. His words sounded too perfect. Staring at his blue eyes I remembered that Valefar spun lies in beautifully elaborate webs. I wouldn’t know that I'd been lied to until I was hopelessly ensnared. But I had to know.
My arms were folded across my chest. I took a few steps away from him and asked, “What powers do you have that would help me?”
“I won’t teach you anything that will harm you.” He smiled. “It’s mostly little things, like this.” Faster than I could blink, he was in front of me. Nose to nose, I sucked in air, shocked and took a step back. My hand covered my racing heart, trying to shrug it off.
I said, “So, you’re fast? So are we. So what?”
“It’s not speed.” He stepped back, feeling the bond swirl around us encouraging him to touch me. He fought the sensation, and continued speaking. “I can go to any place that I’ve seen. I only have to picture it in my mind. I'll instantly appear there. It’s called efanotation.”
I blinked. “No, that can’t be possible.” Good God. No wonder why the Martis were losing.
“Why not?” he smiled. “It’s magic. You and I are made of magic. We can do lots of things that aren’t possible.”
I thought about it. Efanotation seemed harmless enough, and not evil in itself. The idea intrigued me. “I can appear anywhere?”
The corner of his mouth tugged into a smile. “Only places you’ve been. You must have a specific target in mind or you risk not reaching your mark. Being caught between places isn’t fun. Don’t try it.” He smirked, and a memory flashed showing me that he had, and that it was not fun. I shivered. Collin laughed. “Would you like to try it? You can come to me, like I did to you a second ago.”
Unsure, my fingers pulled my arms tighter into my chest. “I don’t know.” Accepting it would mean accepting I was a Valefar. I didn’t want to.
His next words baited me perfectly. He walked toward me, unblinking with his face turned down toward mine. “You would never have to worry about being attacked. Ever. You could do this, and escape. Every time.” His sapphire eyes bore into me. “You would never have to live through another demon kiss again.” I stiffened. My muscles tensed, twitching as they remembered the pain my mind refused to recall. Desire flowed through the bond. Although he mentioned the demon kiss to scare me, I knew he was afraid of kissing me himself. He was terrified that he would be the one to destroy me. I stared at his lips, wishing they weren’t poison—wishing I could taste them.
Collin turned away sharply, clutching his head like he was in agony. “Don’t,” his voice was terse. “Ivy you can’t. I can’t… ” He couldn’t speak. Rage mingled with desire, as it crawled under his skin. He denied his flesh the thing it coveted more than life—my soul. His pale fingers clutched tightly, as he fought to repress the urge my thoughts provoked. The exact nature of the way Collin tortured himself to be around me flowed through the bond. There was no doubt how much I meant to him, and how hard he had to fight his instincts to make sure he didn’t kill me. His body tensed. Welds of blood ran down his arms where his nails pierced his skin. His agony burned, threatening to consume him. One action would ease it all, but he refused to kiss me. He denied himself the very thing that would make his pain recede. He wouldn’t kiss me.
Something in my blood ignited. There was no way I could watch Collin writhe another second. I had to do something. So, I said the only thing that I knew would subdue his agony. The idea terrified me, but I knew I had to do it. In that moment I accepted my fate—all of it. I straightened my spine, knowing what I was, and knowing I could no longer deny it. I had no choice. This was who I was—part Valefar, part Martis. I took a step toward him. My voice carried authority that was foreign to me. There was a power in my words that washed over me as I spoke, “I am Valefar. Collin, show me how to be a Valefar.”
My words were like pouring boiling water on ice. His angst physically melted, as like called to like. It no longer felt like I was standing with an enemy, and the bond shifted recognizing an ally. It resonated inside of me, like something luscious and dark, seducing me silently from within. It was the part of me that I couldn’t accept—the part I repressed. The part that terrified me. It was free.
Heat seared through my chest, as Collin turned to look at me. The insistent pulling of the bond remained intact, but the discomfort eased. He watched in awe as heat seared through my body from my fingers to my toes, arching my spine, leaving a warm trail in its wake. The admission transformed me, igniting my blood in a way words fail to describe. I felt stronger than I’ve ever felt in my life. Fear vanished as power flowed through my body, encompassing me wholly. The demon blood was awakened, making me feel invincible, as the Martis part of my being was repressed.
Oh God. What have I done?
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Accepting myself in whole had changed me. It changed the bond, confusing it, though not sating its lust. It still wanted me with Collin and didn’t loosen, though it was less agonizing to be so close to him. The Valefar part of me quickly honed in on something I'd never noticed before. My gaze jerked towards Collin. I could smell it all around him.
Salivating, I swallowed, and walked toward him. There was a scent in the air that reminded me of something delicious.
“What is that?" I asked realizing it was emanating from Collin. Looking into his face I asked, "Why do you smell like that?” I sniffed the air again, swallowing the salvia that was pouring into my mouth, awakening my hunger.
Mildly alarmed, he leaned away from me. “Smell like what?”
“You smell delicious." Embarrassed, I thought about it for a moment, slowly realizing what was happening. My mouth was watering like my mother was cooking my favorite meal and I hadn’t eaten all day. The yeasty scent of fresh bread filled my head, accompanied by the aroma of my mom's roast turkey that was always perfectly cooked, crispy on the outside and juicy within. The cinnamon scent filled me last, reminding me of the apple pies that she only made during the holidays, and that I craved year round. I drew in a long slow breath, letting the scents fill my body and savoring them before I realized what it was. It was the expression on his face that snapped me out of it. I lost my daydream, but the scents still lingered and were strong. It was coming from him. But why? As I looked at Collin, horror poured into me, as I understood what was happening—recognizing what the Valefar blood had awakened.
I covered my mouth in horror, stepping away from him. Revulsion poured into my mouth like vomit. Turning sharply, I walked away and threw myself into a chair. I shut my eyes tightly trying to banish the sensation—the smell. But it wouldn’t subside. It clung to Collin like he was food. Oh God. What was this? What did I do?
My voice was muffled by the pillows, but I knew he heard me. "You smell like food. Why do you smell like food?" I asked already knowing the answer. I felt the rant start to pour forth before I could stop it. "Oh God! It's because I can smell you—your soul." I shot upright in the chair, watching Collin across the dimly lit room. "You have a soul! Don't deny it, I can smell it. It smells like everything that I'd ever enjoyed eating all wrapped together." My brain started piecing things together. "You said I smelled new. You can smell us? Valefar can smell Martis blood. That’s how you hunt us. But… that isn’t what I smell on you.” I sniffed the air again, and looked him in the eye knowing he could not lie to me. I would hear it through the bond. “I smell your soul. How do you have a soul, Collin?”