She must have thought so, for she reached out to him and stroked his hand. "I won't hate you, Elijah. Why should I? You did nothing to me that I can object to. I did it to you and I'll be glad for the rest of my life that I did. You freed me by a touch two years ago, Elijah, and last night you freed me again. I needed to know, two years ago, that I could feel desire - and last night I needed to know that I could feel desire again after Jander. Elijah - stay with me. It would be - "
He cut her off earnestly. "How can that be, Gladia? I must go back to my own world. I have duties and goals there and you cannot come with me. You could not live the kind of life that is lived on Earth. You would die of Earthly diseases - if the crowds and enclosure did not kill you first. Surely you understand."
"I understand about Earth," said Gladia with a sigh, "but surely you needn't leave immediately."
"Before the morning is over, I may be ordered off the planet by the Chairman."
"You won't be," said Gladia energetically. "You won't let yourself be. - And if you are, we can go to another Spacer world. There are dozens we can choose from. Does Earth mean so much to you that you wouldn't live on a Spacer world?"
Baley said, "I could be evasive, Gladia, and point out that no other Spacer world would let me make my home there permanently - and you know that's so. The greater truth is, though, that even if some Spacer world would accept me, Earth means so much to me that I would have to return. - Even if it meant leaving you."
"And never visiting Aurora again? Never seeing me again?"
"If I could see you again, I would," Baley said, wishing. "Over and over again, believe me. But what's the use of saying so? You know I'm not likely to be invited back. And you know I can't return without an invitation."
Gladia said in a low voice, "I don't want to believe that, Elijah."
Baley said, "Gladia, don't make yourself unhappy. Something wonderful happened between us, but there are other wonderful things that will happen to you, too many of them, of all kinds, but not the same wonderful thing. Look forward to the others."
She was silent.
"Gladia," he said urgently, "need anyone know what has happened between us?"
She looked up at him, a pained expression on her face. "Are you that ashamed?"
"Of what happened, certainly not. But even though I am not ashamed, there could be consequences that would be discomforting. The matter would be talked about. Thanks to that hateful hyperwave drama, which included a distorted view of our relationship, we are news. The Earthman and the Solarian woman. If there is the slightest reason to suspect that there is - love between us, it will get back to Earth at the speed of hyperspatial drive."
Gladia lifted her eyebrows with a touch of hauteur. "And Earth will consider you demeaned? You will have indulged in sex with someone beneath your station?"
"No, of course not," said Baley uneasily, for he knew that that would certainly be the view of billions of Earthpeople. "Has it occurred to you that my wife would hear of it? I'm married."
"And if she does? What of it?"
Baley took a deep breath. "You don't understand. Earth ways are not Spacer ways. We have had times in our history when sexual mores were fairly loose, at least in some places and for some classes. This is not one of those times. Earthmen live crowded together and it takes a puritan ethic to keep the family system stable under such conditions."
"Everyone has one partner, you mean, and no other?"
"No," said Baley. "To be honest, that's not so. But care is taken to keep irregularities sufficiently quiet, so that everyone can - can - "
"Pretend they don't know?"
"Well, yes, but in this case - "
"It will all be so public that no one could pretend not to know - and your wife will be angry with you and will strike you."
"No, she won't strike me, but she will be shamed, which is worse. I will be shamed as well and so will my son. My social position will suffer and - Gladia, if you don't understand, you don't understand, but tell me that you will not speak freely of this thing as Aurorans do." He was conscious of making a rather miserable show of himself.
Gladia said thoughtfully, "I do not mean to tease you, Elijah. You have been kind to me and I would not be unkind to you, but" - she threw her arms up hopelessly - "your Earth ways are so nonsensical."
"Undoubtedly. Yet I must live with them - as you have lived with Solarian ways."
"Yes." Her expression darkened with memory. Then, "Forgive me, Elijah. Really and honestly, I apologize. I want what I can't have and I take it out on you."
"It's all right."
"No, it's not all right. Please, Elijah, I must explain some thing to you. I don't think you understand what happened last night. Will you be all the more embarrassed if I do?"
Baley wondered how Jessie would feel and what she would do if she could hear this conversation. Baley was quite aware that his mind should be on the confrontation with the Chairman that was looming immediately up ahead and not on his own personal marital dilemma. He should be thinking of Earth's danger and not of his wife's, but, in actual fact, he was thinking of Jessie.
He said, "I'll probably be embarrassed, but explain it anyway."
Gladia moved her chair, refraining from calling one of her robotic staff to do it for her. He waited for her nervously, not offering to move it himself.
She put her chair immediately next to his, facing it in the other direction, so that she was looking at him directly when she sat down. And as she did so, she put out her small hand and placed it in his and he felt his own hand press it.