"Why didn't you tell me? If you told me last night, I could have helped you."
"Then help me now."
"Well, there isn't much we can do now," Susan said, with heavy sarcasm. "Not after she's gone to Blackburn and made an accusation first. Now you're finished."
"I'm not so sure."
"Trust me, you haven't got a move," she said. "If you go to trial, it'll be living hell for at least three years, and I personally don't think you can win. You're a man bringing a charge of harassment against a woman. They'll laugh you out of court."
"Maybe."
"Trust me, they will. So you can't go to trial. What can you do? Move to Austin. Jesus."
"I keep thinking," Sanders said. "She accused me of harassment, but now she isn't pressing charges. And I keep thinking, Why isn't she pressing charges?"
"Who cares?" Susan said, with an irritable wave of the hand. "It could be any of a million reasons. Corporate politics. Or Phil talked her out of it. Or Garvin. It doesn't matter why. Tom, face the facts: you have no move. Not now, you stupid son of a bitch."
"Susan, will you settle down?"
"Fuck you, Tom. You're dishonest and irresponsible."
"Susan-"
"We've been married five years. I deserve better than this."
"Will you take it easy? I'm trying to tell you: I think I do have a move."
"Tom. You don't."
"I think I do. Because this is a very dangerous situation," Sanders said. "It's dangerous for everybody."
"What does that mean?"
"Let's assume that Louise Fernandez told me the truth about my lawsuit."
"She did. She's a good lawyer."
"But she wasn't looking at it from the company's standpoint. She was looking at it from the plaintiffs standpoint."
"Yeah, well, you're a plaintiff."
"No, I'm not," he said. "I'm a potential plaintiff."
There was a moment of silence.
Susan stared at him. Her eyes scanned his face. She frowned. He watched her put it together. "You're kidding."
"No."
"You must be out of your mind."
"No. Look at the situation. DigiCom's in the middle of a merger with a very conservative East Coast company. A company that's already pulled out of one merger because an employee had a little bad publicity. Supposedly this employee used some rough language while firing a temp secretary, and then Conley-White pulled out. They're very skittish about publicity. Which means the last thing anybody at DigiCom wants is a sexual harassment suit against the new female vice president."
"Tom. Do you realize what you're saying?"
"Yes," he said.
"If you do this, they're going to go crazy. They're going to try to destroy you."
"I know."
"Have you talked to Max about this? Maybe you should."
"The hell with Max. He's a crazy old man."
"I'd ask him. Because this isn't really your thing, Tom. You were never a corporate infighter. I don't know if you can pull this off."
"I think I can."
"It'll be nasty. In a day or so, you're going to wish you had taken the Austin job."
"Fuck it."
"It'll get really mean, Tom. You'll lose your friends."
"Fuck it."
`Just so you're ready."
"I am." Sanders looked at his watch. "Susan, I want you to take the kids and visit your mother for a few days." Her mother lived in Phoenix. "If you go home now and pack, you can make the eight o'clock flight at Sea-Tac. I've booked three seats for you."
She stared at him, as if she were seeing a stranger. "You're really going to do this . . . ," she said slowly.
"Yes. I am."
"Oh boy." She bent over, picked up her purse from the floor, and pulled out her day organizer.
He said, "I don't want you or the kids to be involved. I don't want anybody pushing a news camera in their faces, Susan."
"Well, just a minute . . ." She ran her finger down her appointments. "I can move that . . . And . . . conference call . . . Yes." She looked up. "Yes. I can leave for a few days." She glanced at her watch. "I guess I better hurry and pack."
He stood up and walked outside the restaurant with her. It was raining; the light on the street was gray and bleak. She looked up at him and kissed him on the cheek. "Good luck, Tom. Be careful."
He could see that she was frightened. It made him frightened, too.
"I'll be okay."
"I love you," she said. And then she walked quickly away in the rain. He waited for a moment to see if she looked back at him, but she never did.
Walking back to his office, he suddenly realized how alone he felt. Susan was leaving with the kids. He was on his own now. He had imagined he would feel relieved, free to act without restraint, but instead he felt abandoned and at risk. Chilled, he thrust his hands into the pockets of his raincoat.
He hadn't handled the lunch with Susan well. And she would be going off, mulling over his answers.
Why didn't you tell me?
He hadn't answered that well. He hadn't been able to express the conflicting feelings he had experienced last night. The unclean feeling, and the guilt, and the sense that he had somehow done something wrong, even though he hadn't done anything wrong.
You could have told me.
He hadn't done anything wrong, he told himself. But then why hadn't he told her? He had no answer to that. He passed a graphics shop, and a plumbing supply store with white porcelain fixtures in a window display.