Before I knew, it we had finished two bottles of wine.
While we were laughing about them being in jail, I said,
“I have to admit that I was surprised when Ari called me to come and get y’all out of jail. I just figured that my phone was the only one she was able to get through to.”
“Well, you know the only reason why she called you was so you could see me dressed like a damn whore,” Heather said as she laughed.
She must have thought about what she had just said because her head snapped up to look at me.
Now, why would Ari do that unless she thought Heather had feelings for me? I’m done playing games. It’s time to find out.
Heather was leaning up against the counter while as I sitting on one of her bar stools. I got up and walked toward her. Pulling her into my arms, I didn’t even give her time to think before I backed her up against the wall.
As I started to kiss her she ran her hands through my hair. The small moan that escaped her lips made me want to rip off her damn clothes. When I lifted her up, she wrapped her legs around my waist. The kiss was quickly turning more passionate by the second.
Son of a bitch. I’ve wanted to kiss this girl for so long now. She tasted sweeter than anything I could’ve ever imagined.
She pulled back slightly, trying to caught her breath.
“Josh…I’ve… I’ve never been with anyone before, and...” Her voice trailed off as she looked down at my lips.
My knees just about buckled out from underneath me. I had to put one hand on the wall to hold myself up. Holy shit. Heather’s a virgin.
Closing her eyes, she put her head back against the wall. Leaning down, I started to kiss her neck.
Two minutes ago, I’d been ready to ask the way to her bedroom. There was no way in hell that I was going to that now. Now, all I wanted to do was make her feel cherished.
“Princess, look at me.”
As she lifted her head up, her blue eyes captured mine, and I saw was sadness. My heart broke in two.
“I’d never do anything that you weren’t ready to do, Heather. Ever.”
“Josh…I really want…” She paused, stopping mid-sentence.
“You really want what?”
The look in her eyes suddenly turned to pure panic. She started to shake her head.
“I need you to put me down!” she practically shouted.
“What?” I asked, confused.
“Put me down, Josh. Now!”
What the hell is happening?
I put her down, and the moment her feet hit the floor, she pushed me away.
“Heather, I don’t understand. What’s going on? What did I do?”
Turning away from me, she walked into the living room and stopped at the front window, staring outside.
“I really think you need to leave now. This was a bad idea. I was stupid to think that we could ever just be friends. You’ll always want more than this.”
Motherfucker. My head was spinning.
“Um… I’m sorry, princess, but it sure seemed like you also wanted more a few seconds ago. What changed?”
When she turned around, I almost lost my breath. She was crying.
“Don’t ever call me princess again. I don’t want anything more than friendship with you. I’ll never want anything more than that. I had a moment of weakness. It must have been because of the wine or something. I don’t want you, Josh, not in that way. I’m sorry if I led you on. I think it would be best if we just stopped right now.”
I didn’t know what to say. I had seen the look in her eyes. I knew she had wanted me as much as I’d wanted her. Why is she pushing me away?
“Heather…if I walk out this door right now, I’ll keep in mind everything that you just said to me. I promise you that I’ll never approach you again with anything more than friendship. I just need you to make sure that this is what you really want. I have feelings for you. Honestly, I feel things for you that I’ve never in my life felt for any other girl, and that scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to walk away from you, but if you tell me that you don’t have any feelings for me, then I’ll leave. I won’t ever bring it up again.”
I watched her as she just stared at me with tears where rolling down her face. I walked up to her and reached out to wipe them away. When she took a step back, I almost dropped to my knees.
She quickly wiped her tears from her eyes. Looking right into my eyes, she said,
“I don’t have feelings for you other than friendship. I’m sorry.”
My whole world shattered into a million pieces. How could I be so happy one minute and then feel so incredibly sad the next?
I had never in my life cried, but at that moment, I felt like I was about to lose it. Quickly backing away from her, I turned to grab my keys off the counter.
“I’m sorry, Heather. I guess I’ll see you on Wednesday at Garrett and Emma’s party.”
I walked to the door, and every ounce of me was praying that she would stop me. I gave up all hope by the time I got to my truck. Once outside, I sat there for a minute, watching her door.
Then, I started my truck and drove away from the one thing that I thought would finally make me feel happy and complete in this world.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
HEATHER
The moment the front door closed, I fell to the ground and cried. What did I just do? I had never in my life felt the way I did when Josh was kissing me. I’d wanted nothing more than to tell him that I needed him, heart and soul.
He must have waited to see if I’d come after him. After a few minutes, I heard him start up his truck before he drove off.
He left.
He just walked away from me and never looked back.
Oh. My. God. Feeling sick to my stomach, I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. Just when I didn’t think I could throw up any more, another round of nausea hit me. Sitting down on the bathroom floor, I leaned back against the wall. I touched my fingers up to my lips as I closed my eyes.
Princess, look at me. I’d never do anything that you weren’t ready to do, Heather. Ever.
Why did he call me princess?
I thought back to my sixteenth birthday.
***
“Daddy, why can’t I see where we’re going?”
“Princess, you really need to have more patience. You’ll get to see it soon enough.”
Daddy was taking me to get my birthday present, but he wouldn’t let me see what it was.
“Okay, we’re here. Hold on. Let me go around and open your door.”
The next thing I knew, Daddy was holding my hand, leading me somewhere. I could hear people talking, but then it got really quiet. I felt warm breath up against my ear.
“Happy birthday, darling,” my mother whispered in my ear.
My heart started to pound. Mom was here?
“Okay, princess, are you ready for your surprise?”
“Yes, Daddy! I’ve been ready for like the last hour!”
I heard my mom and dad laugh. Someone took off the blind fold, and then I opened my eyes. We were in the parking lot of my favorite restaurant, The Oasis. I saw Ellie and Ari standing there with huge smiles on their faces. My whole family and a few close friends were all here.
“Oh my gosh, is everyone here for my birthday?” I said, looking at my mom and then my dad.
“Princess, take a good look around.”
I turned toward Ellie and Ari, and then I noticed Ari was leaning up against a white Nissan Pathfinder with a huge bow on it.
I spun around and looked at my parents. “You didn’t?”
My dad laughed and then smiled at me. “We did.”
“Daddy, I don’t even have my driver’s license yet. I can’t drive it. I’m too afraid to drive it! Oh my gosh, who’s going to drive it home? Do we have to leave it here?”
Putting his hand on my shoulders, he looked into my eyes. I wasn’t even sure why I was panicking.
“Princess, look at me. I’d never make you do anything you weren’t ready to do. You can drive the car, baby girl, when you’re ready.”
***
Putting my head down on my knees, I just cried. The moment when Josh had said almost those exact words to me, memories of my father had instantly flooded into my mind.
I couldn’t believe that Josh had also called me princess. He hadn’t known that my dad had called me that. At first, I had liked it, but then something had happened. When he’d kissed me, I had fallen even more in love with him.
I couldn’t let him get close to me. What if something happened to him, making him leave me like my parents did? I just couldn’t let that happen to me again. I wouldn’t let that happen to me again.
I thought about what Josh had said right before he’d left.
“I have feelings for you. Honestly, I feel things for you I’ve never in my life felt for any other girl, and that scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to walk away from you, but if you tell me that you don’t have feelings for me, then I’ll leave. I won’t ever bring it up again.”
Oh. My.God. I’d let him walk away from me. I’d just let him walk right out of my life. The hurt that I had seen in his eyes would haunt me for the rest of my life.
Just then, my cell phone rang.
I slowly got up and made my way into the living room. By the time I got my purse and pulled the phone out, it had stopped ringing. I had secretly hoped that it was Josh, but instead, I saw that I had missed a call from Ellie.
My voice mail notification went off. After I hit the button to retrieve the message, I turned on the speaker phone.
“Holy hell, Heather! What happened with you and Josh? He just called Gunner, and he was so upset that Gunner could hardly understand what he was saying. Josh said something about going to get drunk. Before he hung up, he said he’d see us Wednesday. Please call me back on the land line at Emma and Garrett’s.”
I hit delete and then tossed my phone on the sofa. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. What if he went out, got drunk, and slept with some girl? I’d over-heard Josh telling Jeff that he hadn’t had sex in months. I knew he was doing it for me. I threw myself back into the sofa.
Shit! I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I let out the loudest scream I could. What is wrong with me? What did that stupid therapist say? It was something about me needing to let go of the past to move on with my future.
Is Josh my future? I could certainly see him in my future. As I closed my eyes, I imagined what it would be like to make love to him. Would he be sweet and gentle or full of passion and lust?
I had so wanted to take off his shirt earlier, just to get a good look at his chest. I’d seen him without a shirt plenty of times. He had tattoos going up and down his arms, but the tribal tattoo that he had on his side was my favorite. Ugh!
Sitting up, I grabbed my phone. After I pulled up his number, I just sat there, staring at it for a few minutes. Then, I finally hit dial.
The phone rang and rang. Damn it Josh, answer the phone.
I hung up when I got his voice mail.
I waited ten more minutes, and then I called him again. This time, when I got his voice mail, I decided to leave a message.
“Hey, Josh…um, it’s me, Heather. Listen, I shouldn’t have let you leave like that. I’m sorry for what I said. Is there any way that you could maybe call me back or come back over so we can talk? I’ll be home all night.”