"I lost my baby girl. I hadn't been paying attention. With her, I lost my wife who couldn't look at me and my other daughter who was only a shell of the girl she'd been. Then you showed up with that picture of Nanette and instead of sticking it out and being the man my girls needed me to be, I fled. I told myself they deserved more than I could give them. I'd never be able to forgive myself. I'd never be able to move on and seeing me would only hurt them more. So I left them. I hated myself then; I hate myself now. But I'm a weak man. I should have stayed. When I found out Becca was sick I went on a drinking binge. The idea of a world without Becca in it was impossible for me to accept. But going to see my vibrant wife, who I loved and will always love, lying there dying wasn't something I could do. I'd buried my daughter. I couldn't bury my wife. Because I was weak I left my baby girl to bury her momma. I will never forgive myself for that." He finally looked my way.
"All you see is a selfish man who only thinks of himself. You're right. I don't deserve anyone's love or forgiveness. I don't want it. Your mother and Nan wanted me. They both acted like they needed me. I could pretend with them. The truth is your mother is as lost and broken as I am. Maybe for different reasons but we're both empty inside. I was going to come clean with all this and tell Nan three months ago. I couldn't continue this farce. I just wanted to go sit by my wife's grave and grieve. But then Blaire called me. She needed me, but I had nothing to give. So I lied to her. I didn't know much about the man you'd become but I knew one thing. You loved fiercely. You would do anything for your sister. I had no doubt in my mind that the moment you laid eyes on Blaire that she'd get to you. The sweet gentle spirit that was in her mother is in Blaire. Val was me. But Blaire... she is my Becca. She is so much like her. No man can be around her and not love her. I wanted someone strong and capable of taking care of her. So I sent her to you." He wiped away the rest of his tears and stood up. I was speechless.
"Don't become me. Don't let her down like I did. You only deserve what you make yourself worthy of. Do what I couldn't. Be a man." Abe turned and walked out without another word.
Chapter 40
Blaire
I hadn't been asleep very long when the phone rang. It was the middle of the night and only a few people had my number. My stomach knotted up as I reached for my phone. It was Rush.
"Hello," I said almost afraid of what he'd called to tell me.
"Hey, it's me." His voice sounded like he'd been crying. Oh god... please don't let Nan be dead.
"Is she okay?" I asked, hoping that this time God had actually heard my prayer.
"She's awake. She's a little disoriented but she knew me when she opened her eyes so her memory is good."
"Oh thank God." I sat down on the bed and decided I needed to try this praying thing a little more often.
"I'm sorry, Blaire. I'm so sorry." His voice was hoarse. I could hear the pain laced in his words and I didn't have to ask what he meant. This was it. He just couldn't say it.
"It's okay. Just take care of Nan. I'm really glad she's okay Rush. You may not believe that but I've been praying. I wanted her to be okay." I needed him to believe me. Even if there was no love lost between Nan and I she was important to him.
"Thank you," he said. "I'm coming home. I'll be there no later than tomorrow night."
I wasn't sure if this meant he wanted me gone by then or would we'd do our goodbyes in person. Running would be so much easier. Not having to face him. It hurt bad enough on the phone. Seeing his face was going to be so hard but I couldn't let it destroy me. I had our baby to think about. This wasn't just about me anymore.
"I'll see you then," I replied.
"I love you." Hearing the words hurt more than anything else. I wanted to believe he did but it wasn't enough. The love he might feel for me wasn't enough.
"I love you too," I replied and hung up the phone before curling into a ball and crying myself to sleep.
The doorbell rang just as I was getting out of the shower. I grabbed the clothes I'd laid out to wear and quickly got dressed before wrapping my hair in a towel and hurrying downstairs.
When I opened the door and saw my father standing there I wasn't sure what to think. Had Rush sent him to get rid of me? No. Rush wouldn't do that. But why was he here?
"Hey, Blaire. I, uh, came to talk to you." He didn't look like he'd slept in days and his clothes were rumpled. Seeing the daughter he did love in the hospital must have been hard on him. I pushed that bitterness away. I wasn't going to think about that. He was Nan's dad too. At least he was there for her now even if he'd screwed her over the first part of her life.
"What about?" I asked, not moving to let him in. I wasn't sure there was anything he had to say that I wanted to hear.
"It's about Nan... and you."
I shook my head. "Don't care. I'm not up for hearing anything you have to say. Your daughter woke up. I'm glad she didn't die." I started to close the door.
"Nan isn't my daughter," he said. The only words that would have stopped me from slamming the door in his face. I let his words sink in as I slowly opened the door back up. What did he mean Nan wasn't his daughter?
I just stared at him. This made no sense.
"I need to tell you the truth. Rush is going to tell Nan when she's ready. But I wanted to be the one to tell you."
What did Rush know? Had he been lying to me? I wasn't sure I could breathe. "Rush?" I asked, backing up in case I couldn't get a deep breath and passed out. I needed to sit down.
"I told Rush everything yesterday. He had been told the same lie you had but he knows the truth now."