“Yes I can!” I screamed back into the phone. “He’s the one who had a f**king girl up in his hotel room, not me! So don’t tell me I have to talk to him, Dean. Don’t talk to me about what’s fair!”
The tears reluctantly escaped my eyes once more as Jack’s betrayal settled into my damaged heart.
“You’re so goddammed stubborn! He’s going f**king apeshit and you’re just going to let him?”
“I just can’t call him, okay? I can’t talk to him right now.” I pleaded with Dean for some sort of understanding. “Just tell him I’m busy with a project for school or something. He’ll believe that.”
Dean breathed heavily into the phone. “Fine. I’ll tell him. But, Cassie, he’s not stupid. He’ll figure out something’s wrong and then I don’t know what he’ll do.”
“What does that mean?”
“It just means that I’ve never heard him sound as crazy as I did tonight. He was literally flipping the f**k out because he couldn’t get a hold of you.”
“I guess he should have thought about that before he invited some whore up to his hotel room,” I snapped.
“You’re completely unreasonable, you know that?” Dean asked, his voice harsh.
“How am I unreasonable?!”
“Because you’d rather ignore this entire situation instead of put an end to it,” he snapped.
“I’m not ignoring it! I simply refuse to discuss it over the phone. So what?”
“See? Unreasonable and selfish.”
“Now I’m selfish too?” I shouted with a laugh.
“Sort of. You’re only thinking about yourself and your feelings. You’re not thinking about Jack at all. This isn’t just a game to him. This is his future. This is his career. He can’t f**k mess up. Don’t you care about that at all ?” Dean’s voice was pained.
“ None of that matters Not if he cheated on me,” I responded, my tone cold.
“But you don’t even know what happened. You don’t even know who that girl was. She could be an old friend of his…you have no clue because you won’t ask!” He sighed loudly.
“Nope. I won’t. Not until he gets home. And don’t you dare say a thing to him either, Dean! I don’t want you tipping him off so he has an entire weekend to think up the perfect response.”
“I’m not saying a word to him. But, Cassie, can you please at least send him a text message? Just give him something so he can focus on the game? Please do that for him.”
The phone fell silent between us. Of course I cared about Jack and wanted him to pitch well. No matter how badly I hurt, I didn’t want to distract him from the one thing that truly owned his heart. “Fine. I’ll text him as soon as you let me get off the phone.”
Dean huffed out a small laugh. “Talk to you later then.”
“Wait! Dean?”
“Yeah?”
“You know I’m not picking him up on Sunday.”
There was a slight pause before Dean sighed. “I’ll come get his car.”
“Thanks. Bye.” I pressed End and handed Melissa back her phone before walking into my bedroom and powering my cell back on.
I quickly typed out a text that read: Sorry, Jack, been busy with a photography project. I’ll probably be pretty swamped until you get home. Good luck tomorrow. You’ll be great! xo
Less than a minute passed before my phone beeped, signaling I had a response. It makes me crazy to be this far away from you and not know what’s going on. I just completely lost my shit on Dean. What have you done to me? LOL Call me if you have a chance. If not, I understand. Good luck with your project. Can’t stop thinking about the other night…
I tried so hard to be strong when it came to him, but even his text messages challenged me. I knew I’d jumped to conclusions about the pictures, but I refused to look like a fool. And in my opinion, only a fool would carry on like nothing had happened. Simply put, I didn’t want to be that kind of girl. The kind of girl that needed Jack in her life so badly, she’d overlook potential relationship-ruining material.
But in trying so hard to be unlike all the other girls, I made myself irrational, declaring Jack guilty before viewing the facts of the case. I clung to my principles with both hands so tightly it was the only way I got through the next day and a half Jack-free.
That, and the fact that I’d turned my phone off.
NINE
Panic set in when I realized that Jack would be arriving home soon. I hadn’t communicated with him in any form since the text messages two days ago. I half wondered if I should leave the apartment. But where would I go? I couldn’t hide from him forever. The sooner we had this conversation, the better it would be for everyone involved.
I paced back and forth in my bedroom, my thoughts all over the place. It was easier to be the tough girl when Jack was in another state and I could simply shut him off with the press of a button on my cell phone.
Nerves shot through my unsettled stomach as I curled up on my bed and waited. Finally, tires squealed outside and I peered out my window just in time to see Jack come to a screeching halt in one of the parking spots. He appeared to be shouting at poor Dean in the passenger seat before he bolted out of the car and sprinted out of sight.
Within seconds, his knuckles knocked wildly against the front door. “Cassie!” He banged relentlessly as he yelled through the door. “Cassie! Please, Cassie, open up. It’s not what you think.” So much for Dean not saying anything.
My stomach rolled when the door finally creaked open and I heard him ask, “Melissa, where is she?”
“Kitten? I’m coming in,” he announced from behind my closed bedroom door. When he walked in, my heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. His hair was wild and wind-whipped from the quick drive over from the stadium and he was still in his dress clothes from the airport, although his tie was loosened and barely hanging on.
He ran to the side of my bed, dropped to his knees, and reached out for me. I pulled back before he could touch me, my eyes focused on his as he spoke. “Kitten, it’s not what you think. That girl wasn’t in my room for me.”
I refused to move, unwilling to be deceived. “Did you hear me? She wasn’t there for me. I roomed with Brett and he met her our first night. He invited her up to our room, but she wasn’t there for me. I just answered the door.”
“Where’d the picture come from then?” I wondered, the question suddenly dawning on me.
“She came upstairs with a bunch of other girls, but I wouldn’t let them in. One of them must have taken it.”
“Really?” I asked, my voice filled with more hope than I’d anticipated.
“I swear it.” He reached out again for my hands and I allowed his fingers to intertwine with mine. He brought my hand to his lips and he kissed it all over.
“So you weren’t with her?” I asked once more, even though I already believed him.
“No. I don’t even like brunettes anymore. I’m into this one particular shade of blonde.” He gave me a tentative, lopsided smile, and ran his fingers through my hair. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
I practically jumped out of my bed and into his waiting arms. He pressed me tightly against his chest before he tipped my head back and covered my mouth with his. “I missed you,” he said between kisses. His tongue parted my lips as I melted into him, the self-imposed stress from the weekend falling from my shoulders.
He pulled away before I was ready and asked, “So, tell me exactly what happened.”
I collapsed onto my bed, pulling him with me. “Some random chick came up to me on Friday and showed me two pictures of you with this girl going into your hotel room. I pretty much lost it after that.”
“And you just assumed the girl was with me?” He looked down, picking restlessly at my bedspread, his voice tinged with sadness.
“You two were the only ones in the photos, so yeah, pretty much.” I shuddered, recalling the pictures in my mind.
“That’s not fair, Kitten,” he remarked, his eyebrows pinched together.
“I know it’s not.” I looked away from him, embarrassed at my ability to write him off so quickly.
“You have to remember that I’ve been playing ball here for three years now. I have friends in all the places we travel. And sometimes they come up to my room to hang out. I always share a room with at least one other guy. You can’t assume that I’m doing something wrong all the time.”
“But what was I supposed to think?” I couldn’t help but defend my initial reaction and thoughts. “I saw a girl walking into a room that you were holding the door open for. Then I saw you closing the door behind her, with the world’s biggest smile on your face.”
“Fuck, Cassie, how about asking me?” His tone changed, anger quickly replacing sadness. “Is that why you never called me? Because you thought I cheated on you the second I left town?” He lowered his voice, the angry tone still present. “We had sex.”
“I’m not the first girl you’ve had sex with, Jack.”
“No. But you are the first girl I’ve ever loved.”
“I just couldn’t have that conversation with you over the phone,” I admitted, guilt careening through my body.
“So instead you had no conversation with me at all?” He eased off the bed and walked across the floor. “Do you know how crazy that made me? I’m trying to concentrate on my f**king f**king ball baseball game and all I can think about is why the hell the girl I’m in love with is ignoring me. I knew something was wrong when you never called. I tried to shake it off, but I couldn’t. You can’t do that to me. Don’t you understand? You can’t f**king do that to me when I’m trying to play ball!”
“I’m sorry, Jack. I didn’t think…”
“This is bullshit, Cassie!” he shouted, his jaw tense. “I haven’t done anything to make you not trust me.” His eyes widened as the realization set in. “But that’s it, isn’t it?” He nodded his head in understanding, then turned his hurt gaze to me. “You don’t…trust me.”
I avoided his eyes, the truth in his words resonating deep within me. “Look at me!” His voice rose along with his anger.
I did as he demanded, grateful for the tears blurring my view of him. “What do you want from me, Jack?” My voice cracked with emotion.
“I want you to give me a fair shot, but apparently that’s too much to ask.” He turned his back to me and threw open my bedroom door. I heard the front door slam shut as I sat stunned in my bed.
“What just happened?” Melissa poked her head through my doorway.
“I think I just royally f**ked things up.” I exhaled and wiped a tear from my eye. “Hand me my phone, please?” I practically begged, pointing to its location on the bathroom counter.
Melissa snagged my phone and tossed it to me. “You wanna talk about it?”