I lower my gaze to his chest and lift my palm, leaving only a finger. “You’re afraid of me.”
Sean’s quiet. He doesn’t counter my words. Instead he stares at my finger. His heart continues to race like he’s running from a rabid bear. I don’t know what to do. My pulse picks up and pounds harder. I swallow hard and lean in to press my lips to his heart. Sean stiffens, like I’m going to stab him. I stop right before my lips touch his skin. I breathe for a moment and decide that I can’t do this to him, not yet. These things will come on their own, given enough time.
But there is no time. We have today, and then I go to Henry. After that Black will hire me out to someone else. I feel so torn. Indecision freezes me in place. That’s when Sean reaches for me. He slips his fingers over the side of my face and to the back of my neck. He makes the decision for me by pulling me forward that last breath. My mouth touches his skin. Sean’s body stiffens like I’m hurting him, but his hand stays on my neck encouraging me to kiss him the way I want.
I want to kiss his chest over his heart, so I do it. My lips brush against his skin, once, twice, and then I press harder. My lips part and flick my tongue against him, as I press my lips to his chest. I stay there for a moment, lingering, wanting more when I pull away. I glance up at Sean. He’s breathing so hard, so ragged.
A question pops up in my mind and I can’t chase it away. I have to ask him, I have to know. “Why are we doing this?” My question surprises him. “It seems like we’re torturing each other.”
“It won’t be that way forever.”
“It won’t?”
He shakes his head. “We’ll acclimate to one another, given enough time. We might even learn to enjoy it. Will there be more time, Avery? You’re still here, next to me. Have you decided to stay?”
I want to throw my arms around him and say yes, but I can’t. It’s not that I don’t love him, I do. It’s Black. It’s walking away from the ability to support myself. I won’t get that chance back. If things don’t work out with Sean, I’ll have nothing. Besides, I can’t take money from him like that. My broken brain is okay with being paid for sex, but getting money just because I’m his girlfriend seems wrong.
I hedge. “That’s two secrets and I haven’t even gotten one yet.”
He grins, “Ask away.”
I want to know what happened to his wife. I want to know why he’s so dark and tormented. I want to know that piece of him so badly, but I can’t ask that question. I can’t take that from him. Sean has to give it. I glance past him and see the sunrise streaking the gray sky. Little bits of glitter float gently by the window and I smile. A different question pops up in my mind. “What’s your favorite thing to do in the snow?”
Sean blinks like he heard me wrong. Laughing, he asks, “What?”
“You heard me, Ferro. Ice skating, skiing, sledding, or what?”
“Sorry, I expected you to ask something else.” He smiles the sweetest crooked smile I’ve ever seen. It makes a dimple appear on his cheek. I resist the urge to lick it and wait for his answer. “Sledding, I suppose.”
“We can do anything I want, right?” He nods. “Then I want to take you sledding. I want to do something that makes you laugh. I want to see this quirky little grin on your lips all day. I want to go down Cardiac Hill with you, and a snowman on a toboggan. What do you say, Jones? Are you up for it?” As I speak, I push up on the bed. By the time I’m done, I’m kneeling and practically jumping up and down. I can see the city after I sit up. The snow stuck. That means Long Island should be a blanket of white. I’m so giddy and excited that I don’t remember I’m nak*d.
Sean’s gaze devours me as I do my little happy dance on my knees. “Hell, Smitty. I’ll do anything you want, but if you keep bouncing around like that, I’m going to have my way with you first.”
I freeze. My jaw drops open and I laugh. My hands cover my br**sts and I turn bright read.
Sean closes his eyes and smiles hard. “You did not just do that. Now, I have to have you.” He pushes up to his knees and moves toward me. Taking me in his arms, Sean presses his hard body against mine. “Make love to me, Avery. Please. Don’t make me wait until tonight.”
Giddy glee bursts across my face, and then I do as he asks.
CHAPTER 5
Sean lets me linger in the shower. I’m sore, but in a good way. It makes me smile. I rinse off, step out of the shower, and towel off. I rub a brush through my hair as I blast the hell out of it with the blow dryer, and then pull it back into a high pony tail. I brought an overnight bag since Sean ordered me for two days. I dig around and pull out a pair of threadbare jeans, thick socks, and an oversized sweater. I’m so snuggly. Miss Black would have a stroke if she knew what I was wearing. It’s completely wrong for a call girl of my caliber, but screw that. Besides, she isn’t here and I doubt the other call girls take their clients sledding. I need to call her and get permission to leave the hotel as soon as I’m ready to go.
When I walk out of the bathroom I’m hit with the scent of bacon and coffee. I glance around like a starving dog, following my nose to the other side of the bed. There’s a tray with silver covers over various dishes. I glance around, wondering where Sean went as I peek under a tray and steal a slice of bacon.
A cold breeze brushes my cheek, making me turn. The balcony doors are open a crack. I walk over slowly. Sean is standing outside, phone in hand, talking to someone. I smile at his back. I can’t wait to wrap my arms around him and go down that crazy hill on the sled. I plan on laughing like a maniac—and let’s face it—I’ll probably fall off the sled a few times too.
As I walk toward the door, Sean’s voice becomes clearer. “No, I won’t. You’re on your own, Pete. I have enough problems. Deal with it yourself.” He’s quiet for a moment. Sean bows his head and rubs his temples. Whoever he’s talking to is stressing him out really bad. The little vein on the side of his head is throbbing. I wonder who it is or what they want. Sean never lets anyone get to him about anything. Even when he was at the table with Henry, Sean was so cool and collected. I had no idea how jealous he was until later.
I know I shouldn’t listen, that I should back away, but I can’t. This seems personal and Sean plays his cards close to his chest. I want this glimpse of him. I need it. I step closer.
Sean shakes his head and pulls his coat closed. Snowflakes stick to his dark hair and the shoulders of the jacket. “You’re making a mistake. Stop laughing, dickwad, and I have every right to say it. I know, all right. You don’t want anything to do with that shit and if you get caught—well, I’ve been there. I’m not helping you. If you want it, you’ll have to take it from me.” Sean shakes his head, annoyed, and ends the call.
When he turns he sees me through the glass. “Avery.” His voice is strained, like he’s afraid of what I heard.
I push the doors open and lean on the doorjamb. A cold gust of wind hits me in the face. Folding my arms over my chest, I ask, “Who’s Pete?”
“No one important.” Sean’s eyes dart past me toward our breakfast. “Did you eat?”
“No, not yet.” I stare at him. Liar. Pete is someone very important. It’s written all over his face. “You can tell me stuff, you know. I won’t share your secrets. It’s actually part of what makes this whole arrangement less call-girlish and more normal. You know, you tell me something that bothers you and I tell you something that irks me.”
Sean doesn’t blink. He doesn’t look away or make excuses. Flurries continue to fall from the sky while the two of us have a staring contest like a pair of five year olds. Sean finally smiles and looks away. “Fine, I’ll tell you, but let’s go inside. I can hear your stomach growling from here.”
Horror washes over my face. My tummy’s been grumbling since I smelled the food. I didn’t think he could hear, not with the street noise. Sean laughs and puts his arm over my shoulder as he pulls me inside. “You’re so cute, so absolutely adorable. You’re also a terrible snoop.” He turns me in front of him and kisses the tip of my nose. Then, he swats my bottom, pushing me toward the food while he closes the doors and shucks his coat. Sean’s already dressed. He’s wearing a form-fitting blue sweater with a pair of jeans and biker boots.
“I wasn’t snooping. You ordered food and then weren’t around. It’s not like I’d eat it without you.” Sean glances at me and raises an eyebrow when he lifts the cover off the bacon. The nice neat stack isn’t so neat anymore. “Okay, I ate that.”
“I see.” Sean laughs and pulls me over to the couch. He dishes up a plate and grabs himself some coffee. Sean sits down next to me and grabs a piece of bacon off my plate. As he eats, he talks. “That was my brother. He wanted to see me. I told him no.”
“Why?” I’m shocked. I didn’t expect Sean to tell me anything. I remember him saying something about a sibling, but Sean never talks about him. “I mean, what’s so bad about seeing him?”
“If I see him, I’ll cave. You might think I’m a calloused ass—”
“Your ass is not calloused.” I wink at him, and clink my coffee mug to his.
Sean smiles again. It’s such a great thing, making that man smile. “I’m glad you noticed.” He winks at me, and then the pensive look returns to his face. “What do you think I should do?”
Holy shit. He’s really asking me for advice? I freeze with my cup to my lips. I lower it and ask, “Is this a trick?”
“What?” he laughs.
“It just seems like a huge coincidence, that’s all. I ask you about personal stuff, you don’t tell me, so you make something up. It fits with your type of cray-cray, so why not?”
Sean presses his lips together really hard. His shoulders start to shake as he tries not to laugh, but he does a horrible job. “My type of crazy?”
“Cray cray,” I correct. “Crazy-ass to the second power. Completely bat shit crazy. Cray cray.”
“Yeah, I’m not saying that—like ever.” Sean starts laughing again.
I roll my eyes and sip my coffee like I’m an adult. “It seemed like a logical question.”
“Logic left this conversation a while ago.” Sean wipes a tear from the corner of his eye. I can see old laugh lines on his face. He must have been happy at one point. The fine lines around the corners of his eyes and mouth are ghostly reminders of the man he used to be. I wonder if he’s still in there. Sometimes I feel so lost, like I’m so far gone that I’ll never be happy again. Then things like this happen, and Sean is laughing more than I would have thought possible.
“Shut up, Cray cray, and tell me about your brother.” I bump his shoulder with mine, and finish up the food on my plate.
“Pete fell off the face of the earth a while back, severed all contact. He was going through some stuff. I got it, so I didn’t try to find him. Sometimes you have to work things out on your own. I get that. Anyway, he wanted to come see me. He’s asking about stuff he shouldn’t be asking about. I don’t want him to do what he’s thinking about doing. It’ll f**k him over.”