“I promised Demetri.”
I dropped the fork onto the plate. “You promised Demetri? What exactly did you promise him?”
Alec shrugged and looked away. “I promised him I’d take care of you. Then in my first day of babysitting you disappear.”
“So I’m a toddler?”
“No, you’re just very important.”
“Important or irritating?”
“I’ll tell you when I know.” He gave an amused chuckle and pointed to the food. “All of it, Nat. Eat all of it.”
“I swear you’re trying to fatten me up.”
“Maybe.” He sat on the bed.
I ate in silence. Too hungry to be angry that Alec was watching me every time I lifted the fork to my mouth and swallowed. I swear, if I pretended to choke I’d probably give him gray hair.
“Done,” I announced, wiping my mouth with the napkin he brought up.
“Good girl.” He pushed the tray away. “Now, how about a rematch?”
“Rematch?”
“Last I remember…” He stretched out across my bed. “You cheated during our final round of Go Fish. I think I deserve a rematch, don’t you?”
“Fine,” I grumbled. “But I don’t know how I’m going to manage to eat candy after all that food.”
“I’ll be easy on you.”
“Right, you and easy don’t really fit in the same sentence, Alec.”
His lips twitched like he wanted to smile but thought better of it. “My place or yours?”
“Your place doesn’t have crazy people coming in and out all hours of the night to talk about their feelings with my mom, so I choose yours.”
He nodded and bounced off the bed. “You know just because they’re seeking help from your mom doesn’t make them crazy.”
“I know. Otherwise I’d be putting you and your brother in that very same boat.”
“I thought we were captains of the crazy boat. My mistake.” Alec opened the bedroom door and I followed him down the creaky stairs.
“Why do you see her?”
Alec paused on the middle of the stairs, not turning around. I saw his shoulders tense. “We’re just dealing with some stuff, that’s all. You’re mom’s good at what she does. She wouldn’t be one of the most renowned psychiatrists on the West Coast if she wasn’t.”
“Pardon?” My heart started to beat erratically, what was he talking about? “What did you just say?”
He turned around slowly his eyes not meeting mine. “Your mom, she comes very highly recommended.”
“By who?” I yelled.
“Everyone.” He shrugged. “Look, I thought you knew. Your mom’s like a genius, she’s written articles on grief, loss, depression, and addiction. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s gotten offers to start her own rehab facility.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure if I was more angry or guilty that I didn’t know all of these things. Why hadn’t she told me? Why wasn’t I important enough to tell? If she was so freaking good at her job why did she ignore her own kid?
I felt my body slowly slump to the stairs. I hung my head in my hands and began to sob like a little girl.
Why couldn’t I be enough for her? Why wasn’t I important enough for her to at least say hi to? I had a rock star who had only known me for a few months calling my phone like I died, and my own mom still hadn’t checked on me to make sure I made it home safely.
“Nat, don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” I was in Alec’s arms in an instant. “Lets go to my house, okay? I’ll make you hot chocolate and even let you win.”
I hated that winning a game against him cheered me up, but it was enough to stop the tears.
I hated feeling insecure. Alec rubbed my arms as I sniffled a little more. “I just don’t get how I don’t even know my own family. I mean, am I that invisible?”
Alec tensed, his hands stopped rubbing my arms. “Nat, look at me.”
My lower lip quivered as I locked eyes with him.
“You are anything but invisible. You are a treasure. I know your mom knows that. She loves you. Sometimes parents just suck at connecting with their kids.”
“She sucks big time.”
Alec laughed and kissed my cheek. “Yes, she does, but communication works both ways. Have you ever even asked her about work?”
Guilt lodged itself quite uncomfortably against my chest making it hard to breathe a bit. “No ,but…”
“Sorry to say, but that’s how relationships work. One of you has to take the first step.”
I sighed and nodded my head.
“Wait here.” He set me on my feet and knocked quietly on my mom’s office door. I wanted to run and hide. I couldn’t face her. If she saw me crying she’d go all psychiatrist on me and I couldn’t handle being psychoanalyzed now, not now, not when I needed her most. I couldn’t handle the rejection of her telling me she had another client and we would talk later when I was calmer and she wasn’t busy.
My fingers twitched in my palm as I clenched my hands tighter and tighter. The door opened. Alec stepped out, followed by my mom.
Crap.
“Are you okay, Honey?” She said Honey. I wanted to cry.
“I’m fine,” I said, sending a glare in Alec’s direction.
She looked at me for a minute then back at Alec. “I guess it’s okay, just make sure she gets to bed at a decent time. Did you know she was sick?”
“He knew, mom.” I clenched my teeth to keep from shouting, He took care of me when you weren’t here!
“Okay, goodnight Sweetie. Have fun.”
With that, the door closed behind her, my mouth dropped open in shock. “Did you just ask my mom if we could have a sleepover?”
“Of course not.” Alec laughed.
My shoulders slumped in relief.
“I asked her if you could come play at my house and if you were really good, could you stay the night in my bed.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Alec’s face lit up with a smile. “Only slightly. I did tell her we were going to hang out and not to wait up for you.”
“Oh.”
Why do I feel myself blushing?
“But if you want to spend the night, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”
My heart began to thump wildly in my chest. These feelings I had for him were so wrong!
“You can have Demetri’s room. He’d love nothing more than to come home and have your scent all over his sheets.”
“Right.” Irritated that my mind first went to spending the night in Alec’s arms, and not to Demetri’s bed, I bit my lip and looked at the floor. “So, Go Fish?”
“Absolutely.”
I followed Alec out the door and into his house. It was impossible for me not to feel like I was being watched. I mean it had been a really weird couple of days, but Alec assured me that the security around the place had been upped, meaning even my place had cameras around. Not to mention giant bodyguards doing perimeter checks every few minutes. I blocked away the memories of the night Alec held me in his arms while I was sick, and stored them somewhere in the back of my psyche along with the searing kiss from Alec.
I had to keep those feelings hidden. I feared that if I, for one second, allowed myself to dwell on them, Demetri would be lost to me, and if Demetri was lost, then Alec would be too.
Chapter Eighteen
“Nat? Did you hear me?” Alec stepped in front of me bracing my shoulders with his hands. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Fine.” I gave a smile that I’m sure told him I wasn’t anywhere near fine, but it worked. Wordlessly he led me to the living room and began setting out the game.
“So, what were you saying about letting me win?” I asked once the cards were dealt. Alec cursed from across the table, my grin grew wider, and I felt remarkably better.
“I thought you’d forget.”
“You thought wrong.”
Alec slammed down his first card. “Do you really want to win that way, Nat? Where I suck on purpose so you feel better about yourself?”
I thought about it for a minute. The way the Swedish fish would look on his face, his handsome grin erupting into annoyance at the idea that he was losing.
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
“How did I know you were going to say that?” he grumbled and poured the fish onto the table. “Why don’t I just eat two handfuls and then we can play like normal human beings?”
“Only if you intend on allowing me to lick them and put them on your face. There are rules you know and a promise is a promise.”
I couldn’t help the laughter as he looked at the Swedish fish then back at me, then back at his cards.
“Fifteen fish.”
“Twenty.”
“Seventeen and not a fish more!”
I sighed. “Deal.”
Alec picked up one fish and licked it.
“Oh, no, no, no, I don’t believe that’s how the game’s played.” Without really thinking about it I plopped down next to him and put a fish in my mouth, getting it nice and sloppy, then very carefully placed it on his cheek.
Alec’s eyes darkened at the contact. I tried to look away, but I couldn’t. His eyes were so green, I felt lost in them, lost in the stupid moment.
The fish fell off of his cheek.
And just like that the spell was broken.
I instantly regretted moving to his side of the couch. His thigh was warm against mine. We reached for the next Swedish fish at the same time.
“Maybe a game isn’t the best idea?” Alec blurted.
I nodded, because for once I was in total agreement with him.
“TV?”
“Sure!” I tucked my knees on the couch and watched as he flipped on the TV.
Wonder of all wonders, Demetri’s face popped on. Entertainment News was doing a story on his current work with the underprivileged kids. Cameras flashed as he went into his hotel. His plane must have landed a few hours ago.
Guilt gnawed on me like a piranha and I could have sworn I heard Alec curse aloud. It was as if the universe was reminding us not to be complete idiots. It was just a stupid attraction, nothing more! Plus, I had this ridiculous habit of always being vulnerable around Alec, which made him turn into the hero and me the damsel, and really what girl wouldn’t be attracted to that?
Satisfied that I had yet again talked myself out of opening that secret place in my brain that stored all of the memories shared with Alec, I smiled at the TV. “He looks happy.”
“Happiest I’ve seen him in a while,” Alec said quietly.
And again with the guilt. We both sat awkwardly watching the entire report. Pictures of Demetri and Alec on tour, and then it panned to their current whereabouts in Seaside.
I was horrified to see the infamous picture of me and Alec’s almost kiss, and then immediately the story went to a few pictures of me and Demetri holding hands and the kissing outside the restaurant.
It was weird watching myself on TV. But even stranger to actually be sitting by one of the objects of my desire, knowing that I was caught in that very sick love triangle.