“This is mine. Everything is…”
I knew what he wanted. The word balanced on my tongue but I swallowed. I would never say it.
“Mine,” he growled. With no warning, he inserted another finger and f**ked me, plunging deep and fast, my body quivering with hunger. My breath was harsh, too fast. I’d never been taken so completely. Nothing else mattered but his fingers inside, and the relentless rhythm he set. The sharp banding of an orgasm sparked in surprise; I moaned. I couldn’t cli**x. That would be the ultimate betrayal.
I bucked, trying to remove his fingers, but he pressed harder, grinding his c*ck into my ass. “Merde, you’re so wet. Wet for me.” Surprise layered his voice, almost reverent. Had he never made a woman wet before? That couldn’t be true, not with the expert way he dragged repulsive need from me. I hadn’t gone Stockholmy—I hated him, knew what he did was wrong, but my body, shit, my body didn’t care.
Q gave me something I needed since I’d started dreaming of sinful things, started looking at images online of men f**king women with a fine edge of violence.
Q rocked his h*ps again, and I rocked back, against my will. He sucked in a breath, tickling my neck. Even as I fought to get free, my core rippled with pleasure. His dominance created an unwanted, potent cocktail in my brain. I don’t want this. Stop!
His fingers thrust inside, drawing more moisture from my body.
He sighed heavily, working a knee between my legs, splaying me wider. I lost balance and his fingers slipped out, gripping my hip.
His legs bent, and he grinded a trouser-covered erection against my wetness. He rocked, hard as steel and hot as a branding iron.
Little stars exploded behind my eyes. Only fabric stopped him from taking me. I hated every thrust. “Please…don’t,” I cried. Tears ran uncontrollably, joining the stain below.
He struggled to talk, deep and ruff. “You chose option one. Remember?”
Pressing an elbow into my back, he fumbled behind me. Hips disappeared as he unzipped his fly. The sound of metal teeth unzipping terrified me and I snapped. My body may want this, but I sure as hell didn’t.
I jerked upright, ignoring the pain of his elbow. I feinted to the side, kicking his kneecap. His leg gave out, but he caught himself on the edge of the table. “Don’t fight. You’ll only make it worse.”
How many times had I heard that? And every time it turned out to be the truth. But I couldn’t not fight. I’d never be able to live with myself.
I breathed so hard my lungs ached. I looked frantically for the stairs. Where the hell were the f**king stairs?
I made to run, just as Q recovered. He lurched and wrapped arms around my heaving chest, dragging us to the floor. We landed in a pile of limbs, my rib screaming. Q’s fly was undone, trousers hanging precariously on his hips. My knickers were bunched to the side and oversensitive flesh swollen, needing a release. No! I’m not turned on. I’m not broken. Not yet.
Manic possession scorched his eyes, and I slapped him. Q reared back, lips twisted. Violence bristled as he slammed me down, securing himself above.
I froze, locking my knees together so he couldn’t settle between my legs. He clutched my chin, forcing me to look deep into his gaze. “What are you?”
I squirmed, hating the hunger in his voice, echoing the budding need in mine. I was sick to think I ever wanted this with Brax. But I never wanted this with Brax. I wanted light role-play, tame bondage, nothing like this. Please, not like this.
Q shocked me silent as he kissed my throat. He lingered, breathing deep. My stomach flipped. Pulling back, shock resonated in his face, as if he hadn’t meant to resort to being gentle.
A conflict of emotions skittered in his eyes, dampening undisguised lust, twisting it into something else. He sounded regretful, “Say it, and I’ll let you go. I won’t hurt you. I won’t rape you. Not tonight.”
I bit my lip. If I said it, I threw myself at his mercy, but if I didn’t say it, I’d be raped and I couldn’t handle that. Not after the trauma of everything. Not after my entire world dumped me and left me bereft. Especially not with my body being enemy number one.
“Esclave, say it.” His mouth tickled my ear again, words vibrating through flesh.
My fight drained, the will to disobey unspooled into meekness. “Yours,” I breathed, sick to my stomach, wanting to scrub my mouth out.
He kissed me, so, so softly, smelling like mint and lust—if lust had a smell. “Again.”
I shook my head, trying to get free. Q’s arms banded tighter, dragging me against his rock hard erection. “Don’t test me. My strength to let you go is almost at breaking point. Push again, and I won’t be able to stop.”
“Why hesitate? That’s what you mean to do, isn’t it? Ruin me. Keep me captive. A sex slave. Treat me like some animal to use and abuse?” I whispered, but my tone crackled with anger, fierce and bright.
“I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to take from you,” he murmured. My heart stopped. His tone hinted his thoughts—remorse.
“What do you want, then?” I raised an eyebrow in confusion.
Q paused, a flutter of fingers caressed my arm, imprisoning me, then stopped as if he did so unconsciously. “You know what I want, esclave.”
My heart hurt. I couldn’t keep up. One moment he touched as if I were an irreplaceable piece of art, the next he held me as if I was a bitch needing a lesson. He shook me, growling in my ear. “I need you to say it again, then you can go.”
Two options. Two decisions. Neither was easy. Both had consequences. But, for now, I chose the one protecting my virtue for another night.
I hung my head and murmured, “Yours.”
Chapter 11
*Skylark*
The next day, Suzette came for me.
I hadn’t slept a wink. The moment Q let me go, I sprinted up the stairs and into my cage.
The elements of a door and walls helped contain the rising panic attack. I pushed the chest of drawers across the door and huddled in the middle of the bed. But I couldn’t fall asleep, just in case Q came back to finish what he started.
All night, I battled with repeating nausea and a body too hot. I couldn’t evict the fright from my lungs or the shame in my heart. Not because of what Q did—touched, made me wet against my wishes—but because of the dark part that wanted him to take me. I wanted it so damn much.
Eyes remained dry, but my heart wept. Q was my punishment for making Brax so uncomfortable. The bitch, Karma, would make me live my sick fantasies—realize that I wasn’t normal, that I needed help.
My rib ached from fighting, but I poked the bone, enticing more pain. I deserved to be in agony, to pay for the sins toward the sweetest man I ever knew. A man I may never see again. Pain confronted all the nastiness harbouring in my soul. No wonder your parents never loved you. They hated you for stealing their retirement, but also because they saw what you didn’t: that you’re broken.
I was a bad, bad person and deserved my fate. I brought this nightmare with my wicked thoughts.
Q was my curse.
When Suzette arrived in the morning, she tried the door, followed by French slur and a loud knock. “Open up. You aren’t allowed to block the entry.” She must’ve leaned into the door as it opened slightly.
My eyes widened as she squeaked the dresser aside, inch by inch. Shit, if a woman her size could break my security, Q could come in whenever he damn well pleased.
Was there no way out? I’d looked out the tiny postage stamp-sized window, searching for downpipes or something to scale to the ground. But nothing could be used—trees grew too far away, and the fall looked at least five stories. Not to mention, once I managed to climb down, guards patrolled and the GPS anklet would alert Q to my location.
Suzette squeezed through the gap in the door, and placed hands on her hips. “You mustn’t do that again, esclave.”
The word conjured everything from last night: Q’s smell, his touch, his aura of power. I shuddered. I should just take my own life. It would stop the internal battle and put me out of my misery. I gulped, hating the hopelessly weak thought. Never! Shit, Tess never. Whatever happens, you can and will survive.
Suzette crossed her arms, staring. “It becomes easier.” Her voice twisted with anger, her own issues and hurt. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know she’d been through similar circumstances.
My eyes shot to her. “Was it the same for you?” Did Q break her down bit by bit, with his odd mixture of controlling and gentleness?
She shook her head, fingers digging into forearms. “Not Maître Mercer. Another.” Her hazel eyes blazed then settled. She sighed, “Q is many things, but never as bad as others.”
My ears pricked. Q’s name on her tongue sounded strange. I was used to her calling him Master Mercer. What sort of relationship did they share? Not that I cared.
“Let me give you some advice.” She moved closer; I watched warily. I didn’t buy her friend act. “Let go. It doesn’t have to be forever, but allow yourself to relax. It doesn’t have to be wrong if he treats you right.”
Her words were blasphemous, but some small part of me considered it. How would it feel to forget about Tess for a while? To play a pantomime of the perfect slave. Tess would disappear and Esclave would take her place. I’d be the perfect toy, all the while searching for a way to run.
It might be best for her to think I accepted the advice. I stood, bowing my head. “You’re right. I’ll try.” How did other victims get through this? I needed a safety mechanism, something to protect my soul like a suit of armour in battle.
I’d found the protection in Mexico. I’d been ready to do anything to keep my mind whole. I just needed to do that permanently.
She smiled, dropping her arms to clap. “Super. Now, have a shower and dress so we can begin the day.” Her eyes dropped to my dirty sweater.
I hated the pleasure beaming in her eyes, all because I agreed to give Q a chance. She bounced with happiness because I allowed the horrible new existence to rule my life. Terror iced my spine. Why her vested interest? Mental note: never let my guard down around her. Whatever I said would most likely get back to Q.
“I don’t have anything else to wear.”
Suzette clucked her tongue, striding toward the free standing wardrobe. “You obviously haven’t looked at what Q bought for you.”
Q bought me clothes? Creepy bastard. First, he forced me to admit I belonged to him, then expected to dress me like a Barbie doll.
I climbed off the bed and looked over Suzette’s shoulder. She was shorter, but her personality made up for her pigmy stature. She pulled out a gorgeous slinky, silver gown with diamantes across the bodice. “Fantastique, this would look amazing on you.”
I snorted, forgetting for a moment where I lived and indulged in talking clothes with another female. “There’s no way I would wear that.” I shuddered to think of the elegant material whispering over skin, enticing men’s attention—Q’s attention.
Reaching over, I grabbed a pair of fitted jeans and knitted cream sweater. They were the least blingy clothes available, but screamed designer and money.