I kiss his lips. He smiles.
“I think since I have to leave soon,” I say with a coy grin, dragging the tip of my index finger over his bottom lip, “maybe we should spend what time we have left in bed.”
He grins.
“That is so tempting,” he says, grabbing my butt with both hands and squeezing.
“Well, the offer still stands,” he says and kisses me again. “Let me take you inside—unless you want to do it out here. I don’t mind either way.”
My cheeks feel hot. “No, let’s go inside.”
After very carefully finding our way out of the hammock without falling out of it, Luke carries me piggyback up the steps of the lanai and into the house. And instead of hiking, we spend the entire day in bed. Sometimes napping. Sometimes lying curled up next to each other listening to the rain patter on the roof. Sometimes having sex. But mostly what we do with our time left together is talk. We talk about everything. And the more we talk, the more we feel like we’ve known each other forever and the more we know that my leaving is going to crush us both.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Luke
Why didn’t you tell me before about the BASE jumping?” Sienna’s lying against my stomach, her cheek pressed near my navel; her long, soft hair is splayed outward against the mattress, tickling my side. I reach down and comb my fingers through her short bangs and trace the curvature of her jaw and chin with the edge of my thumb.
She had asked this question before, the night she came back from Oahu and found me painting, the first night we slept together. I know she didn’t forget that she’d asked, so this must be about something else.
“I didn’t think any of that mattered at first,” I say. “No reason to drop a shitload of drama on your lap if you were only going to be here for two weeks and we wouldn’t see each other again.”
The palm of her hand is warm against my stomach muscles. Her eyes stray from mine and she looks off at the wall, seeming lost in thought. I get the feeling she’s all of a sudden rethinking the topic altogether.
“What is it?” I ask curiously. She seems nervous, off in her own world.
Finally she looks back at me and smiles warmly, the tips of her fingers brushing my abs.
“Nothing,” she says. “I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
“I dunno,” she answers timidly, looking away from my eyes again. “I guess I just imagine it might be difficult for you to be in a relationship with a girl who doesn’t … do the things you do.”
Oh, now I see what this is all about.
I smile and brush her jawline again with my fingertips.
“Sienna,” I say, and she looks right at me, “I’d rather be with a girl who doesn’t BASE jump—granted, if you were into it I’d still have a thing for you. Seriously, you couldn’t be more perfect the way you are.”
Her smile is faint, but it’s there. I touch the tip of her cute freckled nose and then her lips.
“But why don’t you want to be with a girl who BASE jumps?”
I pause and then just tell her the truth.
“Because I’m selfish. And I’m a hypocrite.”
That surprises her; faint lines of confusion appear around her eyes.
“Because BASE jumping is dangerous, Sienna,” I begin to elaborate. I sigh deeply, her head rising with my stomach. “It makes me sick with nerves when I know my girl is going to jump because I just don’t trust her to”—this isn’t coming out like I planned—“well, it just scares the shit out of me. I know I’m safe—well, as safe as I can be, considering. I’m OCD when it comes to packing my gear and making sure that the tiniest thing has been checked three times. I’m really careful, and it’s why I’m still alive. But not everybody is as careful as I am, or takes safety as seriously as I do. You wouldn’t believe how many people get into this sport thinking it’s just another sport and think they’re invincible. Well, it’s not just another sport and none of us are invincible. I just don’t want to be with a girl I have to worry about every time she steps off the edge.”
She just looks at me, probably not sure what to say.
“Hypocritical and selfish—I admit it. Maybe that’s my biggest flaw of all.”
Her faint smile brightens a little and her lips fall on my stomach briefly.
“What about the other stuff?” she asks. “Skydiving and rock climbing and all that?”
“If you ever decided you wanted to skydive, I’d support you and be there for you.” She raises her head from my stomach and props the side of her cheek in her upraised hand, her elbow pressed into the mattress on my other side. “But don’t ever think I’d be disappointed that you never wanted to do it,” I go on. “I may be helping you out with your fear of heights, but I don’t ever expect you to do anything that your heart’s not into. I happen to like you just the way you are.”
She smiles.
“Come here,” I say, reaching out and grabbing her arms, pulling her on top of me, where she lies down fully across the length of my naked body, resting her chin on the tops of her hands lying flat against my chest so that she’s looking right into my eyes.
“There’s something important I want you to know,” I tell her as I brush her hair behind both ears. “I never want you to feel like you have to be someone you’re not. Not for me, not for anyone. Do you understand?” I hold her face in my hands firmly, peering deep into her eyes. “Never change who you are, Sienna.” I know in my heart that she’s too strong for that, to change who she is for someone else, but I still want her to know how I feel about it, that I’d never expect it of her.