He looked disappointed.
Silence ensued.
“What?” I finally asked, growing confused. And irritated.
He shook his head.
“I guess I was kind of hoping that’s all it was,” he said, “that you were just afraid and didn’t know how to deal with it.” He sighed heavily and rose into a stand, giving the chair on wheels a gentle push out of his way. “But if that’s not the case, then I guess I really am losing my brother.” He started to walk away, and just as he made it to the door, he turned and said, “I’ve never known you to run away from anything, Luke, not since you got over your fears. And I never thought I’d see you throw away the things that make you happy for things that only pretend to make you happy—it’s bullshit, bro,” and he walked out, leaving me with my thoughts.
A minute later, I was right back to scrolling through important business emails. And two minutes later, I’d forgotten everything my brother said.
I stopped on the trail on the way to meet up with Seth and Kendra and looked up at the blue sky peeking through the thick canopy of trees, thinking about Landon’s accusation.
He was right—I never ran away from anything. I was unstoppable. But then the business came along and I was so afraid of losing what we’d accomplished that I ran from everything else—including my brother and the free-spirited life we had shared for so long. I pushed away anything that had the potential to make me happy, anything that could take me away from our business—family, love, everything.
But I don’t want to do that anymore; I don’t want to be that guy—it’s slowly killing me inside. Maybe meeting Sienna was the push I needed to heed my brother’s words; maybe I’ve been waiting around all this time for someone like her to come along—who I can’t stop thinking about no matter how hard I try—to finally make that change in my life; to get back to being … me, the guy that got lost somewhere along the road to success; the guy who my brother noticed was lost before I even did.
I eventually went back the way I came, hoping Sienna hadn’t already left for the airport. And on the way, there were two things I couldn’t escape: Landon’s voice. And Sienna’s face.
When I finally met up with Sienna, I really had been running a little. I was so sure I was already too late, but I picked up the pace when I got closer to the resort, not wanting to end up one of the unlucky dumbasses who misses the girl by merely seconds. I was surprised by how hugely I was smiling when I saw her—I don’t even know the girl, so my reaction to knowing I made it in time confused me.
But this feels right. I’m not exactly sure why yet, but it does, and despite what my conscience is telling me, that she might not be able to handle my lifestyle, I’m not going to run away.
I’ll never know unless I try.
After I borrow two boards from the school—and have Allan in the gift shop put a new pair of swim trunks on my tab—I take Sienna farther down the beach, away from the hotel and most of the tourists. I’ve been trying not to check out her body in that pink bikini top and tight shorts too obviously, but when she starts to peel the shorts down over the bikini bottom, I find it much harder to pull off.
I turn away and pretend to be checking out the waves, skirting her a little with a sideways glimpse, because, well, I just can’t help it.
“So I take it you’ve never been surfing before?” I ask, just to be sure.
“Nope,” she says with a little squeamish expression that I find extremely cute. “And I’ve not spent much time in the ocean, if you wanna know the truth.”
“Really?” I say, surprised. “You live in San Diego and you’ve not been in the ocean much?” I prop the surfboard in the sand, keeping it upright and balanced with one hand.
She picks hers up and does the same; her fingers fidget nervously around the edge of the board; her lips are drawn in on one side as she nibbles on the corner of her mouth. I would like to nibble on the corner of her mouth.
“Wait, just how old are you, anyway?” I joke.
“Twenty-two,” she says. “And I guess I just never cared much for swimming in the ocean.”
I smile inwardly. Two years younger than me—perfect.
“But you like to swim, right?” I hope it’s not that she can’t swim—I wouldn’t mind teaching her that either, but we’d need to skip the surfing lessons.
She shrugs. “Well, yeah, I guess so. But I prefer pools.”
“Is it the salt? Or maybe you’re afraid of sharks.” I point upward, believing I’m right. “That’s it, isn’t it?”
Sienna looks downward and begins to shuffle her painted toes in the sand. “Jellyfish,” she says so quietly that I have to ask her to repeat it.
“Sharks are pretty scary, but jellyfish freak me out,” she says in a more audible voice, looking right at me. “I got stung twice when I was a kid. Ever since then, I’ve always preferred pools.”
“You’d rather swim through urine than get stung by a jellyfish?” I laugh under my breath.
“Actually, I would,” she says matter-of-factly. “And people pee in the ocean just like they do in pools—I think they’d be more likely to pee in the ocean than a pool, if you really think about it.”
“You have, haven’t you?” I ask, grinning at her.
“I have what? Peed in a pool? No, that’s disgusting!”
I laugh out loud.
“No—thought about it,” I say, but I realize that still doesn’t sound right. “It just seems like you’ve given it a lot of thought, about pee versus jellyfish and all that.” I shrug and position the board underneath my arm, still with amusement on my face.