“I’m sorry,” I said as the wind blew through my hair. “I never got to tell you that I’m sorry for abandoning you. But you were right, Landon. You were always right.”
I looked out ahead of me, past the few trees on the back of the ledge and into the sky; my legs were drawn up on the rock, my ankles crisscrossed, my arms wrapped loosely about my knees, my back arched into a slouch.
“You were the most important thing in my life, little brother”—I swallowed hard—“I’m just sorry that I realized it too late and I hope you can forgive me.”
I choked back the tears, but then I just let them fall.
And then I smiled. I smiled because I knew that Landon forgave me. And then I laughed because I knew he was giving me shit.
“I met this girl,” I said. “I’ve never met anyone else like her, so full of life and passion and so sweet. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her.” I looked over on my right as if looking right at Landon, as if he’d never died. “I’m pretty sure because I feel like I need her to breathe. Every day when I wake up in the morning, hers is the first face I see. And I feel like she took a part of me with her when she left, a part of me that I can’t function without.” I paused and looked into the sky. “And I need her back.”
Then I smiled and said, “You’ll always be my brother. But I have to let you go.”
I lean over and kiss Luke on the edge of his mouth and then reach up and wipe the tear away from his cheek. And then the one from my own.
“I’m glad you couldn’t wait any longer,” I say in a quiet voice, and then kiss the edge of his mouth again.
Luke pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me, holding me protectively against him; I can feel his heart beating rapidly against my chest—mine is beating so fast I feel slightly dizzy. His lips caress mine with so much passion that I forget everything else. Through his kiss I relive every moment I’ve ever spent with him. My fingers wind in his brown hair, and tears of happiness nearly choke me.
The kiss breaks and we sit quietly for a moment, me in his arms.
Then I stand up and grab his hands, elation running through my body, making my arms and legs and chest tingle—I can’t believe he’s here!
“Let’s go inside,” I tell him and pull him to his feet, but when he gets up, he grabs me and kisses me again, clutching my butt cheeks in his big hands and hoisting me up, my thighs latched around his waist.
I kiss his face all over: his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his temples, his very willing lips.
“Which apartment is it?” he asks with a big smile as he carries me down the sidewalk toward the building.
I kiss his lips again, my arms draped over his shoulders.
“One fourteen,” I tell him. “How’d you know where I lived?”
“You told me, remember?”
Ah, that’s right. I did tell him the name of the complex once.
“But how’d you know where to look?” I ask. “I didn’t tell you what building I live in.”
He kisses me again. And again.
“No, but you told me what kind of car you drive, so I figured it out.”
We come upon my door and my legs fall away from his waist.
“Why didn’t you just call?” I ask as I open the door and let him inside, my eyes scanning the floor, hoping I didn’t leave anything gross lying around.
“I told you I’d wait for you, remember?” he says. “And I almost called you several times, but then I decided I had to see you. So I took a chance. And here I am.” He opens his arms wide out at his sides, a big smile on his face.
“And besides,” he goes on, dropping his arms, “I figured if I was standing in front of you, it’d be harder for you to say no.”
“You want to know the truth?”
“The truth is good,” he says.
“I couldn’t have said no to you either way.”
He smiles.
I take his hand and lead him to the sofa. We sit down together, me on his lap.
“Why didn’t you call me?” he asks.
“Because I was terrified. Luke, I really thought you were dead. I got a letter from Kendra, and it was like the nail in the coffin, y’know? I couldn’t open it. I didn’t want to know the truth.” There’s a strong catch in my voice.
Luke’s eyebrows wrinkle and his head rears back.
“You got a letter from Kendra?”
“Yeah. About a week after Norway. She sent it to my job.”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“No. I’m dead serious.”
I jump up from his lap. “Come here and I’ll show you.”
Luke follows me into my bedroom.
I give him the torn envelope first with Kendra’s name and address beautifully written across the front. He looks down at it strangely while I’m picking the pieces of the letter up from the floor. I take them over to my desk and open them all, laying them out so I can put them back together like a puzzle. When I have all the pieces in place, I pat the paper down with the palm of my hand to smooth it out so that it’s readable.
And then I read it out loud.
Hey Sienna,
I know you probably never expected to hear from me. And it was a bitch tracking you down, just so you know. I sent an email through the website where you work, but it bounced back. I tried calling once, but I got the voice mail and, shit, I can’t stand voice mail. Talkin’ to myself and all. And no telling who’s listening to it. I hate that. Anyway. Look, Luke is a pretty aewsome awesome guy, and as you know, I’m kind of protective of him. OK, I’m a little batshit-crazy protective of him, but I am of all of my good friends because we’re like a family. And I know this might be weird because we didn’t know each other real well, but I think of you as family too and I think you and Luke belong together. Like, no joke. You’re kinda perfect for him (even if you’re afraid of heights) and I guess this is me trying to do right by you both and tell you that he’s so fucking in love with you it makes me nauseous. Seriously. He talks about you all the time. It might be sweet and all, but it’s weird. I think he needs to get laid. Maybe that’ll help. But with you, of course. I don’t want any bitches breakin’ his heart, y’know?