It’s taking forever to get to my apartment. I have to listen to my dad talk about how fit Trip would be as a husband the whole ride. My mom makes a face at me. She makes me laugh. We have a new understanding since I spilled my guts to her after coming home. I think she gets it, and she’s on my side. But that doesn’t make things any better with my father.
“If that boy is smart, he’ll stay far, far away from you,” my father nearly snarls. He’s adamantly opposed to me being with someone so poor.
Logan is rich in all the ways I wish I were. He’s rich in family, steeped in love and compassion, and he loves what he does for a living. Logan’s an amazing artist, and he works at his family’s tattoo parlor, putting his fabulous art on people’s skin. The last time I talked to him, he wanted to go back to college. He got a scholarship, but he had to get a deferment when Matt got sick. They took out a lot of loans to pay for Matt’s first treatment, and when Matt couldn’t work anymore, Logan quit school and took over for him.
“If that boy has any sense at all,” Mom says, “he’s just waiting for you to come back to New York.”
I hope that’s the case. But so much can happen in three months. Women throw themselves at Logan every day. It’s asking an awful lot for him to wait for me for three full months while I find my way back to him.
Mom pats Dad on the knee. “How is his brother doing, darling? I know you get reports.”
I scoot to the edge of the seat. Please tell me he’s okay. Please. I have asked him this more times that I can count, and he refuses to answer me, reminding me of the bargain we made.
“Fine.”
That’s all he says. Just that one word. I flop against the seat back.
“Elaborate, please,” my mom says, smiling at my dad.
“The treatment is working, but he’s not out of the woods. He has to have scans every month, and then they’ll start spreading them out as time goes on.”
My heart clenches in my chest. Matt is better. My sacrifice wasn’t for nothing. Tears start to burn my eyes, and Mom reaches over to squeeze my knee. “That’s good, darling,” she says to Dad. “I’m so glad you were able to help him.”
“I did it so she would come back home,” he says. He glares at me. “Our deal was that she would come home, not go to Julliard.”
Mom pats his knee again. “She did come home, darling. And now she’s going to Julliard.”
“I just hope he stays away from her,” Dad grumbles, more to himself than to either me or Mom. We all know who he is. And he had better not stay away from me. Not for a day. Not for an hour. Not for a minute.
We arrive at my apartment, and my dad scowls. “This is the best you could find?” He glowers at my mother.
“It’s perfect,” I say. It’s pretty, with a small garden out front. I’m on the tenth floor, and that’s all right with me. There’s a doorman, an older gentleman, and he smiles at me, bowing to all of us as we walk into the building.
“Ah, Mr. Madison,” he says. He knows who my dad is. He doesn’t hold out a hand, though he does take mine when I extend it. I am not better than this man, and I want him to know it. “Miss Madison,” he says, grinning at me. “Henry is my name.”
“Mr. Henry,” I say, squeezing his hand in my grip.
“Just Henry will do.” He looks over at my father’s scornful face.
“Don’t make friends with the help, Emily,” my dad warns.
Henry’s face falls.
I wink at him. “I wouldn’t dare try to make friends with Henry,” I say. “He’s way too good for the likes of us.”
Dad’s eyebrows draw together. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Kindness trumps money, Dad,” I say. I learned that the hard way. And even though I can’t read well, I feel so much smarter than my dad right now. I bump knuckles with Henry, and he smiles at me.
He holds up a finger and goes to a locked box beside his desk. He retrieves a key. “I’ll be sure your luggage is delivered, Miss Madison.”
“Thank you, Henry.” I wink at him again as my family walks to the elevator. He smiles back at me with genuine kindness.
My parents are quiet on the ride up. My dad taps his thumb on the railing, and Mom just stands quietly.
“I don’t know why you felt the need to come here. I can settle myself in.”
“I’m not sending you off to a strange city all by yourself.” He glares. He knows I was all alone in this city last year. “That was your choice,” he says quietly. “Not mine.”
I step up on my tippy toes and kiss his cheek. He looks down his nose at me, which makes me grin. “I’m glad you’re here.” I just hope they don’t stay long. I want to go see Logan. It’s Friday night, and he’s probably at the club working. He’s a bouncer there.
My dad walks around my new apartment, appraising it with a critical eye. It was rented furnished, and it’s actually really cute. It has two bedrooms, and an alarm system that Homeland Security couldn’t beat.
I wanted to be in the dorm, but Dad felt like it was a bad idea. At least I’m close to the school.
My mom winks at me and then turns to Dad. “Darling, I think we should get to the hotel, soon.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “Already?”
“Yes.” She doesn’t say more than that. Just yes.
Dad heaves a sigh. Then he kisses my forehead, wrapping my head up in the crook of his hefty forearm. “We’ll see you first thing tomorrow.”
I nod. “I’ll be here.”
“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” He worries. Excessively.
I need Logan. That’s all I need. I shake my head.
My mom whispers in my ear, “Use protection, dear.”
A grin tugs at my lips. “Yes, Mom.”
The door closes behind them. I need a shower, and I need to find Logan. I need him like I need air.
Logan
A hand lands on my back, its fingers light and teasing as someone draws a figure eight. I look back over my shoulder and flinch inwardly when I see Trish. I take her hand in mine and pluck it from my back, then set it to the side as gently as I can.
“Oh, Logan,” she says, her lips tipped upward with laughter. I’m really glad I can’t hear because if her laugh is anything like her, it’d be as grating as that fake smile. It’s one of those smiles without any real happiness behind it. She puts her hand on my chest, her fingers pressing insistently against me. “How long are you going to pine for that girl? There are so many other fish in the sea.”
I can talk, but sometimes I choose not to, and people accept it from me because I’m deaf. I lost my hearing when I was almost a teenager. I tap the face of my watch and look at her, arching my brow. She’s due back on stage in two minutes.
She heaves a sigh and tromps off in that direction.
If I had been forced to answer her question, I would have said “forever and always.” Emily is supposed to be back in New York any day now, as spring courses are starting at Julliard. I just began my own classes at NYU, and she shouldn’t be far behind. That is, if she’s coming. I haven’t talked to her since the day she left and that was months ago.
I have, however, seen her in the tabloids. She’s been to lunches, clubs, and social events with her ex-boyfriend, Trip Fields. The media outlets never cease talking about the way they fell apart and then came back together. But when I see them in the papers, she doesn’t look happy, not like she was when she lived with my brothers and me. I like to think it’s all a ruse. I hope to hell it’s all a ruse. My gut aches at the thought that it’s not.
Emily sold herself back to her father in exchange for Matt’s life. He’s my brother, and he means the world to me. Matt’s alive because of her sacrifice. I’m glad she did it, but since she’s been gone, it’s like the oxygen is missing from the air I breathe. I miss her like crazy.
I haven’t looked at another girl since she left. Not one. She’s all I think about. When girls like Trish touch me and say let’s go with their eyes, I can’t imagine anything that might make me want to go. Or remember what made me want to go in the past. All I can think about is Emily.
I look toward the door where Ford, one of the other bouncers, is barring the entrance. Bone, our resident thug, is in the doorway and Ford knows that if he comes within five feet of me, I’ll try to kill him with my bare hands. My younger brother, Pete, is going to get himself into trouble hanging out with Bone. I caught them together talking in the street a few days ago, and I don’t like it. Bone is trouble, and I told him last week to stay the f**k away from my family. Pete doesn’t seem to understand what kind of problems Bone attracts.
I take a step toward the doorway, but Matt is suddenly in front of me, getting between Bone and me. It’s not worth it, he signs.
Would be to me, I reply. I’ve been trying to catch that bastard alone ever since the last time I saw him with Pete. Our little brother suddenly has a phone, and he suddenly has money in his pocket. The boy has a job, but he’s not making enough money to pay for the things he now has. And he puts every dime he legitimately earns into the family kitty to pay the bills.
He’s scum. My hands fly wildly as I talk, drawing the attention of several people around us.
I know, Matt replies. We’ll take care of it, but we don’t need to do it here. He looks me in the eye. You know he’s packing.
One more reason to keep him out of here.
Matt shakes his head. Not tonight.
Dammit. Ford moves to the side and admits Bone when the owner of the club walks over to force the issue. He glares at Ford.
Ford’s a good friend, and he knows how I feel about Bone. All things considered, I don’t want to put Ford into Bone’s line of fire, either, so I’m glad he let him through just for that reason.
Bone smiles at me, looking directly into my eyes as my gaze follows him across the room. Then he slides into a booth and breaks eye contact.
A fight begins at the front of the bar. I clap my hands together to get Matt’s attention. He’s not working tonight. He’s not strong enough for bouncing yet, but he’s here as a wingman of sorts.
I see it, he signs. The big one is drunk.
The big ones always fall the hardest.
And they’re a bitch to pick up off the floor.
Matt laughs. I’m so f**king glad he’s getting back to normal.
I’ll take the little one if you’ll take the big one. He cracks his knuckles and grins at me.
You’re such a p**sy, I sign. And you can’t even claim chemo did it to you because you were a p**sy before you got sick. I grin at him.
He shrugs his shoulders and smiles unabashedly back at me. It makes me so happy to see him like this. I watched him deteriorate last fall to the point where we thought he wouldn’t pull through. He still might not, but we have hope.
At least I can get some p**sy if I try. He looks down at the crotch of my jeans. Your dick, however, is going to rot off from lack of use.