Lexie was quiet for a long time as the tears finally made their way down my face. I wanted to hug him so hard he’d never forget it.
I loved him so much it made me ache. It made me burn and feel like my heart was going to burst out my chest.
I’d never loved him more than in that moment.
“Thank you,” Lexie said, and for just a second, I thought she understood. Then she opened the music box again and let the song play.
***
“You. Are. Amazing,” I said when we got out to the truck. “I didn’t think I could love you more than I already did.” I yanked him into my arms and hugged him so hard the buttons on his coat dug into me.
“Thank you,” he said, holding me just as tight. “For letting me come with you. It was something I needed to do. How did you know?”
“I didn’t. I just had a feeling. Besides, I didn’t feel like coming alone. I need you as much as you need me.” He let go so he could look at me.
“We need each other.”
He kissed me once before opening my door so I could get in.
“You driving?”
“It’s my turn,” he said as I handed him the keys. “It’s my turn to do something for you.”
I didn’t bother to tell him that he’d already done so much. Didn’t want to bruise his male ego.
“You should have brought the banjo. She would have liked that.”
“I should carry an emergency banjo,” he said, starting the truck with ease. I looked once more back at the house. Lexie was at the window, waving. My face hadn’t dried yet from the tears I’d already shed, and I knew there were more in store.
I waved back and she smiled and just for a moment, I saw my best friend again. I let the tears flow as Zan pulled out of the driveway.
“I brought this for you. It was my grandmother’s,” he said, handing me a slightly yellowed handkerchief that had embroidered roses on it.
“Thanks,” I said, taking it. “You knew I was going to cry, huh?” I dabbed at my eyes.
“I like to be prepared,” he said, touching my shoulder. “Are you going to be okay?”
“At some point.”
Zan
Things got quiet again for a few days, which made me nervous. Quiet wasn’t good. It was too quiet.
Zack kept calling me, my mother kept calling me and even Steve called me.
“They may be jerks, but they’re still your family,” Will said after one bio class. Now that he knew my secret, he’d decided I wasn’t a heartless a**hole and we’d sort of become friends, which I was relieved about. Will and Charlotte were a package deal.
“I know. I just… I can’t deal with them right now.”
“It’s okay,” Charlotte said, and I put my arm around her. I loved being able to touch her all the time.
“Sooo… Audrey and I were wondering if you would like to maybe go out,” Will said.
“Are you together now?” I said.
Charlotte answered for him.
“They’re taking it slow, right Will?”
He rubbed his head as if he had a headache. “I hate that you know everything without me having to tell you.”
“Twindar,” she said, tapping her forehead. “It doesn’t lie.”
“I’m in,” I said. “What about you?”
“Double date with my brother? I guess so. As long as I get to tell the story about that time –”
Will shoved his hand over her mouth.
“Just kidding,” she said, peeling his hand away. “I want you to be with Audrey, so I’m not going to do anything to sabotage it.”
“Why don’t I believe you?”
My phone went off again. Zack.
“He’s called me about twelve times today and left me a million messages.”
“Have you listened to them?” Charlotte said.
“No. I’ve been deleting them.”
“Maybe you should call him. What if something’s wrong?” Will said. “I mean, more wrong than it already is.”
I took a deep breath before hitting Send on Zack’s number. I walked away from Charlotte and Will to a corner where I had some privacy. I was going to make this a quick conversation.
“What do you want Zack?” I said before he could cut in.
“Oh now you answer your f**king phone.” He was drunk. Really, really drunk. I wasn’t surprised in the slightest.
“Where are you?”
“Nowhere.” I heard him take a swig from a bottle.
“Does Mom know where you are?”
I could feel Charlotte and Will’s eyes on me. So much for making this a quick conversation. “She’s at work and Steve’s off plotting things with my lawyer. How’s school? You and Hottie still f**king each other’s brains out?”
If he would have been standing in front of me, I would have punched him. I had to take a long deep breath before I could say anything normal.
“So, you looking at any prison time?”
He scoffed. “Why do you care?”
“I don’t. I’m just asking.”
“Who the f**k cares? It doesn’t matter anymore. I lost her, I lost my scholarship, I lost everything.”
No, he didn’t lose it. He threw it away.
“You’re not driving, are you?”
He started laughing.
“Why, you going to come down here and drive me into a ditch again? Get some more scars?”
He was pushing every single one of my buttons.
“You shouldn’t be driving.”
“You shouldn’t be judging.”
I was about to throw the phone and punch something when I felt a hand on my arm. I couldn’t see Charlotte’s face, but I could feel her concern.
“Hey, everything okay?”
“Hey Hottie,” Zack yelled in my ear. I put my hand over the phone.
“It’s Zack. He’s drunk and alone. I’m pretty sure he’s been driving too.”
“You’ve got to do something,” she said, her fingers digging into my skin. “This time you can do something.” I met her eyes and she nodded. “He’s still your brother, no matter what.”
I put the phone to my ear again. Zack was singing again.
“Where are you?” I said.
“I don’t know. I just parked somewhere.”
“What’s around you?”
He groaned, as if it was hard to move.
“Stupid park sign. Something about a duck.” He must be at Wood Duck Park. It wasn’t that far from our house.
“Stay where you are, Zack. Just stay there.” I hung up and dialed 9-1-1. They asked the location of my emergency and I told them. I added that my brother was drunk and a danger to himself. No doubt he was going to get arrested, but it was better to have him in jail than dead.
While I gave the information to the operator, Charlotte held onto me. After giving the operator all the information I could, I hung up and called my mother.
“Zan, where have you been? Why haven’t you called?”
I was going to keep it short and to the point. “Zack’s drunk at Wood Duck Park. He called me and I called the police.”
“Oh my God. We took his keys away, but he must have found them.” I didn’t bother to say anything about how he had a spare set. If Zack wanted to drive, he was going to drive. I heard her shuffling with things.
“I’m going over there right now. Why didn’t you call me first?”
“Because they can get there quicker.”
“I can’t believe this is happening again,” she said to herself as I heard her calling to her co-workers that she had an emergency.
“Mom?”
“Yes?” Her car door slammed and she stared her car.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t call you back.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” She wasn’t really listening, but I was going to say it anyway.
“I love you. Let me know what happens.”
“Love you too.” She hung up and I assumed it was to call Steve.
“Everything okay?” Charlotte said.
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
***
For the second time in a month, Zack got arrested. This time, I didn’t think he was going to be able to dig his way out of it. I’d talked to Mom afterwards and she’d said that they’d made the decision that if the court didn’t send him to rehab or prison, they were going to do it.
“I know I’ve let it go on too long, but he was always doing so well, and I just didn’t know.” She knew. She just chose to pretend not to.
Steve was devastated, according to Mom. I hadn’t talked with him, but it didn’t take a genius to know that he would be upset that his golden boy had fallen from the pedestal Steve had put him on.
I hadn’t talked to Zack, but I’d left him a message saying that I was sorry, but he’d given me no choice. He hadn’t called me back.
“You did the right thing. Even though it feels like shit right now,” Charlotte said as we did homework on my floor. She was right, it did feel like shit.
“How is it that I can feel bad about turning him in? After everything?” I asked her.
She got up and sat on my lap. “Because he’s your brother and you love him. You always will, no matter what he does. Because when you love, Zan Parker, you go all the way.”
“I’m not the only one,” I said and she held my face like I held hers.
“I’m so glad we found our way to each other,” she said, before giving me one slow, sweet kiss. It was an always kiss.
Chapter Forty-one
Lottie
“Take another step. Okay, stop.” There was a scarf tied over my eyes and Zan was leading me towards something. It had been several weeks since Zack had gotten arrested again, and things had finally gotten good again. More than good.
Zan and I spent almost every moment we could together, Katie and Stryker were…whatever they were. I finally had enough money for a car, Will and Audrey were tentatively dating and Trish and I were still soul sisters. Even Simon had found love in the form of Brady, the treasurer of the GSA. Somehow, after everything falling apart, we’d put it back together again.
“You better not be leading me to the edge of a cliff.”
“Never, pretty girl,” he said softly in my ear. “If you’re going off a cliff, I’m going with you.” He kissed my neck and I kind of wanted to say screw the surprise, but I was painfully curious.
“Can I see now?” His hands untied the blindfold, and I had to blink for a moment to let my eyes to adjust to the brightness.
“What do you think?” He stepped in front of me and held his arms out. Parked in the middle of the student lot was an adorable little red vintage car. Just the kind of thing that someone would travel across the country in a last-minute road trip in. Or use as a getaway car.
“What is it?”
He leaned against the car. “A 1970 Datsun.”
“And who is it for?” I said, knowing the answer. This was so not happening.
He grinned like a little boy. “It’s for you. An early Birthmas present.”