Professors hated me. Nixon was the golden boy, kind of like a god around this place. I was just the assistant, the one who did the dirty work. Didn’t help that my grades were less than stellar ever since I’d been trying to get homework done while Trace slept. It was the only free time I had.
Keeping her safe was a full-time job. Not that I was complaining.
The professor’s sharp eyes focused on me with chilling indifference. “You’re wearing boots without strings, the sun’s shining, and one more tardy and your grade falls, Tracey.”
“Ouch,” I mumbled next to her, “I can order a hit on any professor you want, just remember that.” I patted her back and winked at the professor.
Trace rolled her eyes, but it did make her smile.
“Your partner has fallen ill, so you’ll be working with Chase today.” With that, the cranky professor walked to the front of the room. “Now, today we’re working on footwork and self-defense techniques. Instruction packets are on the desk; be sure to work through every scenario before you leave.”
Trace grumbled beside me and went to fetch a packet. Her face fell when she read the first page. “I-I can’t, Chase. I can’t…”
Suddenly, the Trace I was used to was a shadow of her former self. Shaking, she wrapped her arms around my neck like I was her lifeline, her savior, her everything. As much as I hated seeing her freaked out—my body responded to her proximity like she was my gravity. She gave another shudder. I gently pulled her away and looked into her fear-stricken eyes.
“What the hell?” I grabbed the papers from her and quickly scanned the first scenario.
A guy and girl alone in his apartment. He tries to take advantage of her, she gets away but he’s able to grab her wrist and overpower her on the ground. What do you do?
Freaking hell.
I reached for Trace’s hand and squeezed it. “It’s just you and me, Trace, okay? You’ll power through this, and you know why?”
Her hand shook inside mine.
“Because you’re an Alfero.” I gritted my teeth and pulled her closer to me. “Do Alferos back down?”
“No,” Trace whispered.
“I’m sorry; what was that?”
“Hell no.” She nodded.
“Do you let people walk all over you? Do you let people attack you, Trace?”
“No.” Her nostrils flared as she jerked her hand away from mine and glared.
“Good girl.” I nodded. “Now, try not to forget that it’s me, not Phoenix. I’m really partial to my anatomy, and I’d like to, you know, in the future have kids someday.”
Rolling her eyes, she took a stance next to me. I muttered up a prayer as I quickly tripped her and pushed her down against the mat. She struggled against me, but I held her wrists firmly above her head—just like Phoenix had. Shit, it was killing me. Her face contorted in pain as she closed her eyes, and shook her head back and forth. I waited for the fear to pass—waited for the moment when her body would switch from being terrified to being pissed. But it was hard as hell.
I could shoot a man twice my age in cold blood.
I’ve buried more bodies than I can count.
I’ve grown up around drugs, prostitution, and the gambling underworld.
Nothing—and I mean nothing—had ever been harder to do than forcing Trace to relive one of the worst moments of her life. Nothing was more necessary than that she do it, so I held her. I held her and I leaned in.
“Fight back.”
She squirmed beneath me, I could see the panic welling in her eyes. Maybe I was wrong, maybe she would crumple under the pressure, but she had to learn how to defend herself. As much as I wanted to be—I knew I wasn’t part of her future, I wouldn’t always be able to protect her. I gripped her harder. Trace’s nostrils flared as she took in a few deep breaths.
“Trace,” I whispered hoarsely as her body moved against mine. Shit, I wasn’t counting on my physical response to her, to being so damn near… Swearing, I tried to focus. “Think, Trace, think about how to move my weight, or use it to your advantage.”
Her eyes narrowed, and then she wrapped her leg around me and pulled my body tight against hers, making it so I couldn’t gain any leverage. It was a smart move; most people wasted their energy on trying to get the person off of them, then they gave up.
It was always wise, when in such a situation, to not fight against but fight with. Trace used her other leg to swing it around my body and then slowly pushed me so that I was on my side and she was on top of me. She wasn’t able to gain quite enough leverage, though. In seconds I had her flat on her back again.
In that moment, seeing a bit of sweat pouring down her face, I hated Nixon all over again.
Because he knew he was torturing both of us. He knew how damn difficult it was for me to keep my paws off what wasn’t mine to touch, yet he trusted me enough to put me in the damn situation every day.
Her body felt so right underneath mine, I could almost forget that it wasn’t real—that we weren’t just friends, that we were more. My chest tightened a bit as Trace wrapped her arm around my neck and jerked me down; my mouth hit her cheekbone, not hard, but that touch, that one sizzle of my lips grazing her skin, was enough to send me over the edge.
I wasn’t just teaching her anymore.
I was fighting myself.
I was living in hell—and she had no idea.
“That’s it,” I said hoarsely, “Now, use your leg again.”
Trace tried again; this time she was able to push me onto my back before I flipped her again.
Exhausted, she closed her eyes and sighed when I was back on top.
“I’m tired… I think I got it…”
“Hell no.” I gritted my teeth and leaned down so that the full weight of my body was on her. “You don’t got it, you don’t have it yet. So help me God, I will keep you pinned to this damn floor all day if you don’t fight me like your life depends on it. Go again.”
Her eyes flared with anger as she wrapped her arms around my neck again. Our mouths were inches apart, both of us breathing hard from exertion.
Correction; she was breathing hard from exertion. I was breathing hard from the supreme self-restraint it took for me to keep my lips off of hers and my clothes on my body.
She groaned in agitation.
Son of a bitch.
She groaned again, and really, I wondered, in that moment, would death be worth it? Was a lifetime of friendship with Nixon that meaningless that I would just toss it away for one chance with this girl?
Tracey must have felt me pause. She took her chance, swung her leg around me, and with a loud shout pinned me to the ground.
“Well done.” Shit. Shit. Shit. I needed to get a girlfriend or find a distraction. Anything. So close, so damn close to ruining everything.
“I did it!” Her chest rose and fell with exertion; her sweaty white t-shirt was pressed tightly against her body.
“Yup.” I reigned in the lust. “You were a regular Tito Ortiz.”
“Who?”
I chuckled. “Never mind. Now get off of me before I throw you against the ground again.”
She laughed.
I didn’t.
I was damn serious.
Hanging by a thread. Huh, never understood that expression until now. Fantastic.
Chapter Four
Nixon
I sent Chase a quick text to meet back at our hangout on campus, or as Trace referred to it, the Bat Cave. I had exactly ten minutes to wipe the blood from my body and change my clothes.
On a more positive note, I’d been wiping blood from my hands for the past ten years of my life, so it wasn’t a new experience for me.
I grabbed a beer from the fridge and reached for the salt and baking soda. I jerked off my jeans and held them under the cold water, then made a paste with the household stuff. After rubbing everything together I went and tossed them into the washing machine.
I was clad in only my boxers.
“If only it would wash away your sins…” a voice said from behind me.
“Ah, the bastard returns. Tell me, how was Women’s Studies?” I turned around to see Chase and Trace setting their bags on the couch.
“Awesome,” Chase said dryly. “I learned exactly how not to piss Trace off, so that should come in handy one of these days, or like in the next few seconds.”
“Hilarious.” Trace pushed him and then held out her hand to me. “I missed you.”
Was it wrong that I hated how much I missed her, too? I sighed and pulled her into my arms. God, she smelled so good. It always calmed me to hold her. Having her in my arms was the closest to heaven I would ever get.
“How was your day?”
“Better than yours.” She pulled back. “At least I kept my clothes on.”
Chase groaned from the couch.
“You okay?” I looked above Trace’s head.
“Splendid. Ask Trace about her KI class. She kicked my ass.”
Trace wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me softly across the lips. It still made me feel—unbalanced—when people were touching me. Trace never knew the real reason. I swore I’d take it to my grave. But it always reminded me of his hands, of being strangled within an inch of my life, of being locked in my room without food. It just… it was damn difficult. And although she calmed me down—when she wrapped her arms around me, or when I felt like I had no escape—I panicked.
I slowly undid her hands from behind my neck and kissed her fingers. “I’m liking this conversation. So you kicked Chase’s ass? About time, I’d say.”
“I tried.” Her shoulders hunched as her brows furrowed together.
I tensed. “What the hell happened?”
“Why did something have to happen?” Chase asked behind her.
“Because she’s all… stiff.”
“Me too.” Chase grumbled.
“Excuse me?”
“Never mind.” Chase got up from the couch. “Look, I need to go”—he pointed to the door—“take a break from security detail. I’ll come back and get her for her last class and you and I can chat, okay?”
“Fine.” I watched him leave. Nervousness was making a damn hole in my stomach. I walked Trace over to the couch.
Her eyes were glued to my bare stomach.
“Not my face, Trace.” I tilted her chin up. She blushed and then closed her eyes.
“That was embarrassing.”
“Not for me.” I grinned. “Now, stop objectifying, and tell me what happened in class.”
“It wasn’t a big deal. I mean, it was but—”
“Why the hell are you shaking?” I gripped her wrists, probably harder than I should have, and told myself to calm down. “Trace, tell me.”
She was closing herself off, the way she sat on the couch, crossed her legs, and primly placed her hands in her lap—everything was off. That wasn’t the Trace I was used to being with. It scared the living hell out of me.
“We had to act out scenarios.”
I felt my eyes narrow. “What kind of scenarios?”
Trace played with the edge of her shirt and shrugged. “Ones where people get attacked, broken into… raped.” Her voice trailed off.