All I knew was that I wasn’t ready to talk to Jude just yet, I wasn’t ready to move past the nasty things we’d said to each other, and I certainly didn’t want a repeat of that blowup. I’d get past it—I always did—but not yet.
As Jude drew closer, I popped over to the girls. I should have reminded myself that “popping” wasn’t exactly a casual way to work your way into the group. Every flatironed, platinum-blond head spun toward me. How many times did I need to be on the spot in my twenty-one years of life? Really?
However, my not-so-stealthy move had worked. Jude wasn’t marching my way anymore. Smart man.
Out of the pan, into the fire.
Say something, Lucy, I commanded myself as everyone waited, staring at me like I didn’t belong. Then I remembered Sybill’s words of wisdom. I latched on to the first thing that caught my attention.
“I love your ring,” I said, nodding at the girl next to me, her hand curled around a champagne glass.
There was another moment of silence before a chorus of “awww”s went through the group.
“That is so sweet of you to say,” Ring Girl said, putting her other hand to her chest. Wow. I’d seen big boobs in my day, but these things. They could have had their own zip code. “Chad got it for me for our anniversary.”
More “aww”s. The sound was like nails on a chalkboard. I didn’t do “awww.”
“How many years have you been married?” I asked, feeling like I had this small-talk thing down.
“Not our wedding anniversary, silly,” she said, laughing like I was just too cute. “We’re not married, just dating.”
“Oh,” I said. “How many years have you been together?”
“Two months today,” she said proudly.
“You’ve been dating for two months, and he got you that?” Whoever this Chad was, he was a certifiable idiot. Or whoever this ring girl was, she was rather talented at what she did.
“No, she got that because she’s been giving him BJs for two months,” the girl to my left said under her breath before snickering. “She’s obviously very good with her mouth.”
The girls all joined in with her snickering, even the girl who gave the best BJs on the block, apparently.
“Wow,” I said. “Good for you.” I had no other reply. Sybill was right: There was nothing going on up there.
“What about you?” a dark-haired girl across from me piped up. “Let’s see your ring.”
Holding out my hand, I couldn’t help the smile that formed. One always did when I looked at my engagement ring. It had a special way of reminding me of Jude’s and my past, as well as the promise of our future. There was powerful stuff in that ring.
“How big is that?” she asked.
Continuing to admire it, I said, “A third of a carat.”
A few sharp snickers, followed by a hush. When I looked up, I found the dark-haired girl fighting a smirk. “Oh,” she said, flashing her ring that was ten, if not twenty times bigger than mine. “I didn’t realize they made diamonds that small.”
Another round of snickers. And now I was pissed all over again. At least it wasn’t at Jude. He’d worked his ass off to save enough money to buy my engagement ring, and these self-righteous bitches who had likely never worked a day in their lives were going to take a piss on his hard work?
Yeah, not on my watch.
“They come in all shapes and sizes,” I said, meeting her stare with my glare. “Kind of like brains.” Quirking a brow, I spun on my heel and left. I couldn’t get away fast enough.
Looked like I was going to have one female friend in this crowd this year. One true friend was worth more than fifty frenemies who laughed at my engagement ring. Bitches.
After not-so-casually slipping away from the lionesses’ den, I wandered around the backyard. Since it was more like a park than a yard, it should have been easy to find a quiet spot.
I could still hear the dull roar of the party when my phone chimed in my purse. Assuming it was Jude, I was ready to hit ignore when a different but familiar phone number showed up on the screen. I wasn’t really in the mood for talking, but the caller on the other end wasn’t one for long conversations anyway.
“Hey, Dad,” I answered, as I continued to weave my way through the landscape. I was pretty sure there was yet another god-awful, overstated fountain waiting at the end of my path, so I switched directions.
“Hello, my Lucy in the Sky,” he greeted, sounding like the dad of my childhood. The dad who hadn’t become an emotional and physical shut-in for the entirety of my teen years. “I’m just calling to say hi and check in.”
I smiled the biggest smile I was capable of right now. Dad called every week, same day, same time. You could set a watch by Dad’s calls. “Hi, yourself, and thanks for the checkup. I’m in San Diego visiting Jude.”
I didn’t offer anything more. If I told my dad about Jude’s and my fight over the McMansion, there’d be no getting him off the phone in a few minutes.
“How’s the Jude man?” he asked eagerly. I wasn’t the only big fan of Jude Ryder in the Larson family. Dad was a close second in that department.
“Jude’s . . .” I searched for the right word: A shade past nuts and drinking the California Kool-Aid were probably phrases I should keep to myself. “He’s been really busy, Dad. I think all the sun, long hours on the field, and dollar signs are making him a little crazy.”
Dad chuckled to himself.
“Crazier than normal,” I clarified.
“Any updates on the nuptial front?” Dad asked, making a not-so-smooth segue.
I groaned. “Not you, too,” I whined. “If it’s not you, it’s Mom. If it’s not Mom, it’s Jude. If it’s not Jude, it’s somebody else. What is it with everyone wanting to know every little detail about our forthcoming or not-so-forthcoming wedding?” I didn’t mean to be so snappy with my dad. It was just a case of wrong question, wrong time.
“Lucy in the Sky,” Dad said, sounding the picture of calm, “I don’t want to just know every detail of your wedding, forthcoming or not. I want to know every detail of your whole life.” I could hear that fatherly smile in his voice. “But since you’re no longer a kindergartener, how about I just settle for knowing if you’re happy?”
I exhaled. Dad had a way of soothing me just with his voice alone. “That works for me.”
“I mean that, sweetie. Your happiness is all I care about,” he said. “If it makes you happy to stay engaged for the rest of your life, I’m fine with that.” I laughed sharply. Dad might be all right with that, but I knew another man who wouldn’t be too pleased. “If a shotgun wedding in Vegas makes you happy, so be it.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I said.
“Whatever you and Jude decide on, your mom and I are good with it,” he said. “Okay?”
It was a weight off my shoulders knowing that, but the problem was, I couldn’t decide what I wanted right now. I needed some time and a cup of tea to help me with my sea of indecision.
“Okay, Dad. Thanks, that means a lot to me,” I said.
“Well, you mean a lot to me, Lucy in the Sky.”
When I stepped out of the shower, I peeked out the bathroom window. The last party stragglers were gone. Today had been one hell of a day, and I knew that tomorrow would be, too. So tonight I wanted to forget about everything running around in my mind and get some sleep. I needed to close the door on this day and open a new one in the morning.
I’d left all the lights in the pool house off in hopes Jude would be too drunk or too tired to come looking for me. Of course, I knew that was wishful thinking. I knew he’d come. I just hoped that when he did, he would give me the space I’d tell him I needed. Jude wasn’t the biggest fan of “space,” given our past experience with it.
I was getting a cup from the cupboard when the knock sounded on the pool house door.
“Luce? Are you in there?” His voice was high pitched.
Before I had a chance to respond, the door opened and he stepped inside.
His face was as worried-looking as his voice had sounded. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he said, taking a few more steps inside. “What are you doing out here?”
Hiding from you. Trying to get my thoughts together. “About to go to sleep,” I answered, setting the glass down. Water had sounded good until Jude had arrived. Now the only thing that sounded good was him. Especially with the way he was looking at me.
“You’re hiding from me,” he stated, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
“No,” I said, cinching the tie of my bathrobe tighter. “I’m hiding from that place.”
Jude’s jaw tightened. “That place is our home, Luce. It’s mine and yours.”
“No, Jude. That place belongs to you and the person you want me to be. Not the person I really am.”
Tapping the wall with his fist, he walked toward me. “Fine. That’s not the place that you want, we’ll get rid of it,” he said, staring at me like I was his whole world. He knew I melted under that look. It had been days, weeks, and he was using my failing restraint to his advantage.
I closed my eyes and sucked in a slow breath to calm myself down. I could already feel the blood rushing to certain parts of my body at having him alone and this close. I could not, I would not sleep with him until I’d worked through this crap in my head.
“Tell me what you want, Luce,” he said, stopping a few feet in front of me. I could smell him; I could almost taste him on my lips. I could nearly feel him. . . .
I shook my head, keeping my eyes closed. “I don’t know,” I admitted, sensing him stepping closer.
“Tell me what you want,” he demanded, and now his body pressed into mine.
Dammit. My weakening resolve was officially about to be a lost cause.
Then his mouth moved outside my ear, and the heat of his breath broke across my neck. “What,” he whispered, “do you”—his teeth sank into my earlobe—“want?” His h*ps flexed into me, and when I felt him hard against me, that last bit of restraint I’d been clinging to slipped right through my fingers.
I opened my eyes. Now that I’d jumped, I was going to enjoy the fall.
I waited until he looked into my eyes. “I want you,” I said, my fingers moving for his zipper. I was long past the point of foreplay. “Here. Now.” Sliding his zipper down, I rested my mouth outside his ear. “And hard.”
Jude sucked in a sharp breath, but that was all the surprise he allowed himself. His hands made quick work of untying my robe. Grabbing my hips, he hoisted me up and carried me over to the table. His mouth found mine and he kissed me like he’d never kissed me before. It was desperate, and hungry, and almost painful.
But the pain felt good. I needed to feel it right now.
After unfastening the button of his pants, I tugged them down. Grabbing him in my hand, I lay back on the table. Jude stared down at me, his face a mix of emotions. My mind, for the first time since this afternoon, was clear. And content.