“You’ve got five minutes.”
I spun around to face Mason, who was doing his best to monitor the situation while putting on a show. I got his attention and held up my hand indicating that I would be back in five minutes. He rolled his eyes and walked over to a group of girls standing by the stage and started singing down at them. I was hoping for a little more mature reaction, but really, what did I expect? I could only imagine what he was thinking.
I followed Ash through the bar area towards the door, weaving in and out of people and tables. At one point he stopped to wait for me, reaching his hand towards mine. I looked at him and vigorously shook my head. I didn’t want him to touch me; I knew all too well how that that affected me.
After making it outside, I followed him several more yards until we were on the side of the building. I preferred this location to our last “talk” that occurred in the same very public parking lot, putting on a show for everyone. Finally, he stopped walking and turned to face me. My heart was pounding so hard that I knew he could see my pulse racing in my neck. My palms were sweaty and my throat was threatening to close up.
“Scarlett, I don’t even know where to start,” he said, running his hands nervously through his long blonde hair. His marine eyes were sad and pleading. “I know it sounds lame, but I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”
“Stop, just stop,” I interrupted. That was the last thing I wanted to hear from him. “There’s really no reason for you to be sorry, Ash. Actually, I’m the one that’s sorry.” He put his hands in his pockets and cocked his head with a look of confusion on his face.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you when you told me who you were and to stay away from you,” I continued, trying my best to keep my voice low and steady. “I’m sorry that I gave you more credit for being a decent human being than you ever deserved. I’m sorry that I gave you the power to affect me the way you do. I’m sorry that you ever told me that stupid ass story of Eros and Psyche that gave me some false sense of hope. I’m sorry that I got this damn tattoo that reminds me of you every f**king day. I’m sorry that I ever trusted you with anything, especially my heart. To tell you the truth Ash, I’m really just sorry that I ever met you.”
“You don’t mean that Butterfly…” He pulled both hands out of his pockets and reached out towards me.
“DON’T!” I took a step back and put my hand in the air to stop his advance. “Don’t you dare call me that!” I was seething.
“And it IS true, I AM sorry I ever f**king met you!” The unwanted tears began falling and there was nothing I could do about it, so I let them flow. I looked him dead in the eye hoping he felt every bit of pain that I had endured. “The night I left I was devastated, so incredibly distraught, I thought my world was crashing down on top of me. In a matter of hours, I had said goodbye forever to my very best friend, the person who meant more to me than anything in this world, and I had walked in on you f**king some whore in the exact spot that I used to sleep… in the bed that you told me you never brought any of them to.
“As I drove that night, I couldn’t determine which of the two events hurt more, and then I realized how f**king ridiculous that was. EVIE DIED! Dead… never ever coming back. You… well you were just doing what you always did. It was just the first time I was forced to face the truth of who you are. I hated myself for ever comparing your importance to hers. It took me months to forgive myself for even contemplating the thought.
“I don’t know what I thought we had, Ash, but I was obviously naïve and borderline delusional. You took advantage of me and played me for a fool… so, yay, you won. I hope you enjoy your prize of the pieces of my shattered heart.” The tears continued to flow in a steady stream down both cheeks, but I kept control of my voice and managed to not hyperventilate
“It sounds like you had a lot to say,” he said softly as he took a step in my direction. I backed up again until my back was against the outside wall.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“Inside you said you had nothing to say to me, but you obviously had quite a bit to say.” I closed my eyes and leaned my head back; I couldn’t look at his beautiful face any longer. His voice alone was almost enough to do me in.
“I’m finished now,” I croaked. I mustered all the resolve I had left and opened my eyes. “I don’t ever want to see you again. I deserve better than anything you can ever offer me. This has to be goodbye for us. Please just let me move on with my life.”
He closed the space between us instantly. I gasped as his body pressed against mine, pinning me against the metal siding. His scent was intoxicating and his touch entranced me.
He looked me directly in the eyes, “We were made for each other, Butterfly. There is no doubt in my mind about that. I know that I have a lot to prove to you, and I plan to do that every day for the rest of my life. Whether you want to hear it or not, I am sorry for everything that happened. The very last thing in the world I want to do is cause you pain. And if you aren’t ready to accept this yet, the inevitability of us, I get that. But understand this Scarlett: it will never be goodbye ~ not for you and me.”
He leaned down and brushed his lips ever-so-lightly across mine before backing up and walking away. I reached up and touched my scorched lips as I watched him walk to his car. He turned to look at me one last time before getting in. “I’ll wait forever for you, Psyche.” My heart melted a little and then he was gone.
ASH
She let me kiss her. She didn’t argue with me when I told her that we would never say goodbye. She smiled, just slightly but it was still a smile, when I called her my Psyche. I couldn’t focus on all of the other things she said. I knew she was angry and hurt; she had every right to be. I had tried to deny what she meant to me one too many times, and I was still afraid the last time may have cost me her forever.
But finally I had something I hadn’t had in a long time ~ hope. Despite her hateful words and lashing out, I finally felt a semblance of the peace I could only find in her presence. I didn’t know what my next move was, but I sure the f**k wasn’t giving up. After experiencing a life without her in it, I would never give up on her. I would never give up on us.
CHAPTER FIVE
WHOLE AGAIN
Near to You ~A Fine Frenzy
Pieces ~Red
You Still Love Me ~ Tyrone Wells
SCARLETT
After spending a few extra minutes outside, trying desperately to pull myself together before facing Mason again, I walked back into the bar. He was standing with Max, Mina, and Noah in the back of the room, and from the look on his face and his arms flailing around while he was talking, he was not happy. Mina was the first to see me approaching, and she immediately ran to me and threw her arms around me.
“Are you okay, sweetie? Is he gone?” she asked.
“Yes, he’s gone,” I answered softly. Even though I was answering her question, I was looking directly at Mason over her shoulder, and I knew he could make out exactly what I said. I saw his strained face relax a tiny bit after registering my words.
She released her grip on me and kissed me on my cheek, “I’m here for whatever you need, hun. I gave Rat my number so that you can put it in your phone later. I think he’s gonna to take you home now.”
“Thank you, Mina,” I said sincerely. “I will definitely be calling you. Hopefully we have some classes at the same time and can meet up on campus.”
She and Noah walked back over to their table and I made my way over to Mason and Max, who were both just staring at me. Max came over to me and wrapped me in his strong arms.
“I’m so glad you’re back. I hope to see you around a lot,” he whispered. “I think we can help each other, Sam.” Hearing him say Evie’s nickname for me started the tears all over again.
“I’m sorry, Scarlett. I didn’t mean to make you cry…” he apologized.
“It’s okay… it’s just…” I tried to force myself to calm down, but I just couldn’t. I must’ve looked like an emotional wreck to any bystander. Who was I kidding? I was an emotional wreck. I had only been lying to myself to think that I was anywhere close to reclaiming my life. To think I could come back and not break into pieces again was foolish.
I felt two larger arms take me from Max’s embrace, and then I was cuddled up against Mason’s chest.
“I’ve got her man. We’re gonna go back to my place. It’s been an overwhelming twenty four hours for her,” I heard Mason say.
“Make sure you give her my number. I want to take her to lunch one day next week,” Max replied.
“I will. See you Thursday.”
I didn’t even care that they were talking about me like I wasn’t there. I kind of felt like I wasn’t there, at least not mentally or emotionally. After the Ash conversation and Max calling me ‘Sam,’ I just checked out ~ I had learned with Evie’s death how to allow the numbness to take over.
“Come on Angel, let’s get you out of here,” Mason said as he kissed the top of my head. I allowed him to guide me through the back hall and out the door. I didn’t even hear him tell Marcus goodbye.
“You okay to ride or you want us to take your car?” He asked cautiously, as if he was scared I would break down yet again.
“The bike is fine.” Riding on the motorcycle instead of in the car allowed me several more minutes of silence to get myself together. Not to mention, there was something therapeutic about riding, and I could use all the therapy I could get.
A few minutes later we were pulling up to his apartment, and I had managed to calm down and think a little more clearly. He helped me off the Harley and led me up to the third floor without a word. His silence made me nervous. I was afraid he was going to tell me that he really didn’t want or need to deal with my drama and all of my baggage, and I wasn’t sure I could take any more gut-wrenching moments.
He unlocked the door, and I followed him in. He headed straight for the kitchen and grabbed two beers out of his refrigerator. I sat down on the couch and waited for him to join me. I knew that we had to talk about things; honesty was the only thing that could make this work.
After he situated himself next to me and handed me one of the bottles, I opened my mouth to say something, but my mind drew a blank. I didn’t know how to even start the conversation. We were both looking forward, staring at the blank television screen.
“Do you love him?” Mason asked expressionless, never turning his head.
“Yes.” I admitted.
“Does he want you back?”
“He never had me.”
He snorted and took a long pull from his beer.
“What? What was that for?” I asked.
“He’s always had you, Scarlett. I just had you on loan.”
“That’s not true!” I exclaimed. I set the bottle down and dropped to my knees, moving to where I was kneeling in between his legs and forcing him to look in my face.