“I liked who you were. I liked you being independent. I liked the rebellious Ramsey.”
“I wanted something we could be proud of.”
Lexi shook her head and tried to pull away. “I never judged you for how your life was. I liked that you cared enough about what you wanted, that you didn’t have to be under your father’s influence.” Lexi bit her lip and turned her face from him. She wished she could explain all of this better. “But when you changed, for me, you lost part of the person you were when I fell in love with you.”
“I changed for the better, not for the worse, Lexi. I changed to be a better man for you.”
“You’re not hearing me,” she said softly. “You were already a great man. You’re still a great man. I just…don’t think you’re the man for me.”
Lexi saw the exact moment Ramsey’s heart broke. It was stunningly painful, like staring into the sun on a bright afternoon or the glare of a flashlight in his eyes in the pitch black. It was like the moment a storm broke overhead, dropping a torrential downpour onto the earth. It was that second when the fight went out of a boxer’s eyes, the moment of defeat, the moment of destruction, when he only needed one more punch to crumple to the ground and have darkness swallow him up whole.
A single tear fell out of Ramsey’s right eye and rolled down his cheek to his tensed jaw. His eyes were misted over with emotion, and Lexi had to swallow back a knot in her throat. She had brought this strong man, this beautiful man, to tears, and there was absolutely nothing that she could do about it that she wouldn’t regret for the rest of her life.
“I’m sorry, Ramsey. I can’t keep this,” she said, pulling the diamond ring off her finger. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and tried to blink back the tears forming in her eyes. “I already have one that belongs to me. It was saved for me before I even knew who you were.”
Chapter 23
Lexi had always thought that when it came to this moment, when she had the right to choose, the right to make up her mind for herself without any exterior complciations, she would turn Jack away. How many times had he done it to her? But then again…how many times had she done it to him? He had told her how he felt when she was dating both her college boyfriends, and she had said no. They had never had their chance only because they had both run scared at every opportunity. But now, Jack was laid out in front of her, and she couldn’t bear to do it. She couldn’t bear to give him up.
It was a terrifying notion—no more running, no more hiding. She had owned up to how she was feeling with Ramsey, and she would have to do it now with Jack.
Christ! She had left him waiting for her without an answer. She had walked out of his apartment, still deciding what she was going to do. The choice to leave Ramsey was her own. It had nothing to do with Jack. And by now Jack probably thought that it was over.
She could walk away, start over, find a new life.
But…what kind of life would she have without Jack?
It made her heart constrict, thinking about it. She had been so ready to move on and get past him after his wedding, but she had found that she couldn’t. It wasn’t even that she couldn’t. She just didn’t want to. She wanted him in her life. She wanted him around. She wanted him to be the person who picked her up when she was down, the one who made her smile. She was so tired of heartache, and she wondered over and over again if she had just tried it with Jack from the beginning what it would have looked like.
She would never know. They had never taken the chance. Even in New York, she had been the one to say, Let’s just take it slow. But how could they even possibly take it slow? All her heart told her was to floor the pedal and speed down the road as fast as she could.
They had been fighting this for so long that she couldn’t even articulate what it felt like to know that Jack was waiting for her, that he wanted her, that she could have him…
Almost four years since they had last slept together. Almost six since New York.
She swallowed hard when she did the math. All this time—ten years in August—and Jack was still the one man she couldn’t live without.
Jack had told her, all those years ago, that they were fated to be together….that he wished he could go back to change the way he had acted. Nothing could erase the past though. Nothing could change what they had gone through.
But Jack had changed. Over the last two years, he had grown up. He had stopped thinking that he could have his cake and eat it, too. He respected her, and now…he was fighting for her.
So, while nothing could change their past, they could change the future.
They already had.
Lexi’s hand shook as she knocked on the door to Jack’s apartment. It was half past one o’clock in the morning, and she knew Jack would likely be asleep…in the bed she had been sleeping in for the past five days. She still had the key that he had given her, but she didn’t feel right using it, not after walking out on him this morning. She couldn’t until she figured out what was going on between them.
As she waited for an answering call, for the door to slide back, for Jack’s face to appear, shocked, in the doorway, she let her mind wander back to the hospital.
The weight of the ring in her hand as she slid it into Ramsey’s palm. The look of pure unadulterated sadness that took over his face. The realization that he had lost her…that it was over.
With the beginning wave of acceptance already taking over, Ramsey had embraced her and left a lone kiss on the top of her head. She had let herself feel his arms around her once more, knowing that this would be the last time. Ramsey had stared down into her eyes one last time as he had pushed her hair behind her earlobe.
He had leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “His warning still stands with me, Lexi.” His voice had been hoarse with the edge of protectiveness that he had always had. “If he hurts you, I’ll kill him.”
Lexi had finally pulled back, her mouth set into a straight line, and nodded. He had nodded back, and that had said everything without saying anything. She hadn’t wanted to hide it from him. He deserved to know the truth, and through that one look, she had known that while he might not like it, and it would take time for him to get over it, he would get over it…get over her.
And then, he had let her go. Because there was nothing else that they could do. She had made up her mind.
So, she had said her farewell and departed.
She hated hurting Ramsey, seeing the pain that she had inflicted upon him, but she would hate herself more if she stayed with him and didn’t love him…not like she wanted to…not like he deserved.
Her hand had come down lightly on the doorframe. Her hand had fisted over her heart as she had pushed the pain aside. Ramsey occupied a different part of her heart, but the truth of it was…she could never give herself away fully to anyone with Jack still taking up residence. So, she had to let the pain pass, let it wash off of her like water on clay, and know that she was making the right decision.
With a sigh and another deep breath, she had dropped her hands and straightened her back. She would never forget the three-and-a-half years she had spent with Ramsey. They had been good years.
But she was ready to begin the rest of her life.
The door swung inward, and Lexi held her breath as Jack’s face came into view. He was still rubbing his eyes, trying to orient his already groggy body. She must have pulled him out of bed. He was wearing nothing more than burgundy basketball shorts hanging low on his hips. She could see the navy plaid boxers underneath, like he had just slid the shorts over top of them. He was shirtless, and she could see every muscular line in his chest and abdomen. Her eyes traced the taut muscles in his shoulders and down his arms before lifting back to that gorgeous face and those baby-blue eyes that were now staring back at her in shock. It was clear that he hadn’t been expecting to see her…maybe never again.
Their eyes locked on to each other, and it was like she didn’t even have to speak. It felt like he knew every thought in her head. This was her Jack.
“Lex,” he whispered.
“Can I come in?” she asked, her chest rising and falling in rhythm with her increased heartbeat.
Jack opened the door wider without a word and let her pass before him. It took everything she had not to just grab him, but she needed to talk to him first. She wanted to be rational about all of this…before he made her lose all her senses.
“I didn’t…I didn’t think you’d come back,” he said honestly.
Jack could never hide anything from her.
“I know,” she said.
It hurt her to think about what he had thought when she had left…when she hadn’t come back. She didn’t want to hurt him like that again.
“You issued an ultimatum last night…”
“I can’t keep doing this, Lexi,” Jack said immediately. “I want you. All of you. I want you so bad right now that I’m shaking to find control.”
Lexi smiled faintly. He still thought she was deciding.
“Jack, you’ve never made me decide. You always just…wanted me however you could have me. Why is this time any different?”
Jack closed his eyes and shook his head, walking a pace away from her. “I thought I explained last night. When you walked out of the wedding, I knew it was the end. I knew I had finally pushed you away…irreconcilably broken. But you broke me that day, too…in the best possible way. When I said I never wanted to hurt you again and I just wanted to see you happy, I meant it. I’ve been working for that these past couple of years. I’ve been giving you what you wanted. But I’m officially getting divorced in a few short weeks, and the thought of not fighting to be the person who makes you happy, to be the man who you come home to…well, I couldn’t live with myself. Because you’re what I want.”
He took a deep breath, and their eyes met again.
“And if I’m not what you want, then…just put me out of my misery.”
“Oh, Jack,” Lexi groaned, closing the distance between them and wrapping her arms around his waist. “You’re what I want. You’re all I want.”
Jack stood frozen, like he couldn’t believe what she had just said. She pulled back to look into his eyes, which were clouded over.
“What about Ramsey?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
“I already talked to him,” she said, letting Jack go and showing him her left hand. “I told him it was over—that I couldn’t keep the ring because I already had one.”
He stared down at her hand, blatant shock on his face. He had thought that last night was the last one they would have together. He had clearly believed that that it was over…that the woman he had loved for ten years was going to walk out of his life forever. And he had been willing to let her go…if that were what she wanted.
He drew her left hand into his with a smirk and planted his lips ever so softly onto her ring finger. “Damn right, you do.”
She closed her eyes with a sigh right before his lips crashed down on top of hers. Their lips melded together with the ease of two people who had spent ten years fighting to be together. He tasted and smelled and felt exactly how she remembered. Every sense was heightened, and she knew then that she could drown in this right here. This was right. It was sweet perfection, hypnotic energy, euphoric adrenaline pumping down through her veins.