Gray shakes his head as if disgusted. “When she got sick, though, it was my job to look after her. Dad couldn’t handle it. My brothers didn’t want to. My brothers hated me for Mom too,” he whispers. “I was her favorite. Her baby.”
I think of a teenage Gray forced to watch his mom slowly die and not have any help from the rest of his family. “I bet you were an awesome caregiver,” I tell him softly.
He snorts again and leans back against the seat, blinking up at the ceiling. “I left her alone to die.”
The rain patters against the hood of the truck, and the radio softly plays on.
“What do you mean?” I finally ask.
“She died alone.” He closes his eyes. “I left her.”
“You mean she died when you weren’t there? Gray, that happens sometimes—”
“No, I did it on purpose.” His eyes squeeze tight. “My mom… We both knew it was coming. That she was near the end. The state championship game was that Saturday. I wasn’t going, no way. But she took my hand and said I had to go. For her. The thing is…” He swallows hard, his throat visibly convulsing. “I knew what she was saying. I knew she didn’t want me to see her die. That it would be too hard for her if I was watching. And I…”
He presses a hand over his eyes. “I couldn’t do it, Mac. I ran from that room like a coward. Went to that game like a coward. Because I couldn’t watch her go.”
I can’t hold back anymore. I slide over and put my arms around him, drawing his big body close. Woodenly, he leans into me, trembling. His face burrows against my hair, and he takes shaking breaths. “My dad fucking hated me for that. I was supposed to watch over her.”
“He should have been there,” I say, barely containing my anger. “She was his wife.”
Gray shakes his head. “I was supposed to be stronger than them.”
“You are the strongest man I know.” I kiss the top of his head, his cheeks, anywhere I can reach without letting him go. “And you did what she wanted. Don’t you ever think less of yourself for that.”
But Gray just trembles like he can’t get past it. I move back to my side of the truck, pulling him down, so that he’s lying across the bench.
He’s too large to be doing this. But he settles his head in my lap with a sigh as if it’s the most comfortable thing in the world. Smiling slightly, I run my fingers through his hair. It’s surprisingly thick, the strands like silk.
“God, that feels good.” Gray settles down with a sigh. On the next breath, his arm steals beneath my knees, wrapping around my legs and hugging tight. “Ivy, I’m sorry to dump on you like this.”
“Stop.” I cup his cheek, letting my palm warm him. “I asked you to tell me. I’m your girl, right?”
“Fuck yeah, you are.” His hold grows more secure, as if I might pull away. “And don’t you forget it.”
“Never. This is what girlfriends do, you know.”
Beneath my hand, his cheek rises as he smiles softly, and little crinkles form at the corners of his denim blue eyes. His lashes are unfairly long and lush, coming in gold then darkening toward the tips. “I’m not letting you go, Ivy Mac. In case I wasn’t clear before.”
Warmth blooms inside my chest.
When he closes his eyes with a contented-yet-still-sad sigh, I reach up and turn off the overhead light. The interior of his truck turns shady, and Gray relaxes a bit more.
I go back to stroking his hair. He grows heavier, warmer. “My mom used to do that. Run her fingers through my hair when I was upset.” He shudders, takes an unsteady breath. “I miss her, Mac.” His voice is broken, and it breaks a little of me, as well.
Lightly, I run my thumb along his temple. “I know, Cupcake. I’m sorry.”
He doesn’t say anything, just keeps his eyes closed and holds on to me. And I stroke his hair as my free hand rests on the hard swell of his biceps.
“Mac?”
“Yeah?” The sound of the rain and the press of Gray’s body has lulled me into a state of warm relaxation, and my head rests heavily against the window. My fingers don’t stop running through his hair.
“I’m so fucking glad I borrowed your car,” he chokes out, his hand gripping my calf, rubbing it as if I’m precious. “The thought of you not being in my life tears me up. I… You are the happiness I never realized I needed.”
His words wrap around my chest and squeeze it tight. I know exactly what he means, because it is the same for me. I’ve made plenty of friends throughout my life, but no relationship has happened so swiftly or meant as much to me as what I have with Gray. My attachment to him almost frightens me, the emotion threatening to overwhelm.
I find myself blinking rapidly, my vision as blurry as the windshield before me. Feeling far too tender, I curl over him and place a kiss at the crest of his cheek. He smells so good, like citrus and baking bread and pure Gray, and I pepper his face with soft kisses. He turns slightly, slings his heavy arm over my neck to hold me close as his mouth finds mine.
That emotion inside me bubbles over and rushes through my veins with absolute surety. I love him. I love Gray Grayson more than I ever thought possible. I’m through being afraid of this. I’m all in now. I’m his girl for as long as I can be.
* * *
Gray
Some people grow up gradually, the foundations of their childhood steadily sinking into the earth so slowly they barely notice the change. Until one day they’re simply standing on their own two feet with little idea how they got there.