“Yeah, okay.” I suddenly missed my own parents.
Lexi opened up a stall door and ushered me inside. “Hurry your ass up. I need to get my drink on. God, I love an open bar.”
I took care of my business while Lexi and Polly got caught up. Having babies was their topic of choice: Polly wanted one, but Mason wasn’t quite ready; Brad wanted one, but Lexi refused to be barefoot and pregnant while putting her career on the line.
“What about you and Noah, Delaine?” Lexi asked when I opened the stall door.
“Um …” I hesitated and walked over to the sinks to wash my hands. How was I supposed to answer that?
“Lanie,” Polly interrupted. “She likes to be called Lanie, isn’t that right?”
“Yeah, just Lanie,” I said with an uneasy smile. “And, um, Noah and I haven’t talked about babies. I mean, we’re not really there in our relationship … yet.”
“Mmm-hmm, I see,” Lexi said and then she sighed in dramatic fashion. “Well, let’s go ahead and get this out of the way, shall we?”
I turned the faucet off and dried my hands. “What exactly is this?”
“Look, Lanie. Noah has no mother, no father, and no siblings. So the whole overprotective warning bullshit falls on my shoulders,” she started. “I don’t really know you, but from first impressions, I like you. Regardless, I’ve gotta put you on notice. If you hurt my cousin, I’m going to kick your ass. And when I say I’m going to kick your ass, I mean you’ll need an ass transplant by the time I’m done with you. We clear?”
I really admired her brass ovaries, but as the woman who everyone thought was truly dating Noah, I had to counter or else I’d look disingenuous. I threw my used paper towel in the trash receptacle and put my hands on my hips, facing off with her. Polly took a step back because she was a smart kid.
“Fair enough. But here’s a little memo of my own from me to you and anyone else who wants to be in our business. I love that man more than I ever thought I could love another human being, unconditionally and irrevocably”—which wasn’t a lie at all, I realized—“and if anyone has to worry about getting their heart broken in this deal, it’s me. Having said that, if anything goes down between Noah and me and you feel the need to kick my ass, then you’ve got it to do. I’m not intimidated by you. So if you ever feel froggy … jump.”
Polly sucked in a deep breath and I could actually hear her swallow. I kept my stare intense, never wavering as I faced Lexi down. She was an Amazon of a woman who very likely could’ve annihilated me, but I wasn’t going to back down. That would have been a show of weakness, and although I felt vulnerable as a snail out of its shell when it came to Noah, I most certainly was not a weak person by nature.
Lexi’s scowl broke and one corner of her mouth lifted up into a smile, Noah’s smile. “I swear to God, if I weren’t already married, you and I would be eloping tonight.”
I smiled in turn and Polly let out the breath she was holding. “You two are a match made in heaven.” She shook her head. “If we’re done seeing whose ovaries are bigger than whose, can we get back out there to our men?”
“Absolutely,” Lexi said, linking her arm through mine. “Mine are bigger, by the way.”
“Well, that remains to be seen,” I tossed back as we stepped through the door.
My smile dropped immediately when the sea of people in front of us parted and I caught a glimpse of Noah. He was standing across from an older dark-haired man who was very handsome, and he was smiling and nodding. But what made my stomach churn in knots was the woman hanging on Noah’s arm. Draped like she was part of his wardrobe was a tall, strawberry-blond woman who reminded me a lot of Ginger from Gilligan’s Island. She was movie star material, and she looked like she knew it, too.
“Lexi, please tell me that’s your sister.”
“Ugh, please! That hussy only wishes she shared the same gene pool.”
“Then who is she?”
“That … would be Julie,” Polly answered with disgust in her voice. “Aka the octopussy. Rumor has it she fucked eight guys at once—after she and Noah broke it off, of course. Don’t ask me how she did it.”
“Octopussy, huh? I guess that explains why she’s got her slimy tentacles all over my man,” I said, seeing a whole lot of red and, admittedly, a bit of green. My mind started drumming up all sorts of lethal maneuvers from Mortal Kombat, all of which I knew I could certainly pull off, given as pissed as I was.
“Want me to do the honors? I’ve been itching to cut that bitch for a long-ass time now,” Lexi offered. I really adored Lexi. She was quickly becoming my sister from another mister.
“No, thanks. I’ve got this,” I said as I threw my shoulders back and made my way toward my man.
I heard her laugh from behind me. “Ribbit, ribbit.”
14
THE DAM BREAKS
Noah
I fucking hate Julie. As I stood there with my uncle Daniel and aunt Vanessa, there was nothing I could do about Julie’s unwanted and unsolicited attention. Except to drink more, and quickly, so that my body would hopefully be numb to her repulsive touch. I would need to scour with an SOS pad or something as soon as I got home.
Not long after Delaine—who looked delectable in that gown, by the way—disappeared with Lexi and Polly to the bathroom, the traitorous bitch had made a beeline straight to where I stood. As if she thought I was champing at the bit to see her again. On the contrary, it had totally slipped my mind that she might be there, but like I said before, my mind hadn’t been anywhere near right since Delaine walked into my life.