I was the first to look away. I shifted my eyes to the monitor, where it felt like Booker was looking right at me through the glass.
“If I find him first he’s going back behind bars.”
Race’s mouth pulled tight. “If I find him there won’t be anything left of him to put behind bars. This is the one safe place in this entire city and he took it away from me, away from my family. There is no explanation on earth that will make up for that.”
I used to tell him not to say stuff like that to me because I was and always would be a cop. That made his actions premeditated. Now I just told him, “Don’t get caught,” and turned around and went back to Reeve.
She was sitting in the passenger seat of the GTO. Someone had gotten her a sweatshirt, but even before I got behind the wheel of the car, I could see that she was still shaking like a leaf. I asked the detective in charge of the scene if she was clear to go. He just grunted at me and told me she was one lucky lady.
When I got in the car I noticed she was still crying big, fat silent tears.
“Are you okay?” I was still mad at her for lying to the cop, for being dishonest with me, but it was obvious she need a kinder touch than I wanted to give.
“Fine. Where are we going? We can’t get back into the loft until they clear the scene.”
“My place.” It wasn’t as secure as the condo, but look at how well that had worked out.
“Okay.” She sounded so defeated, so broken, I couldn’t resist the urge to reach out and put my hand on her knee. It made my teeth clench when she jolted and jerked away at the contact. She cut a look at me and more tears fell. “Sorry.”
I swore softly. “Don’t apologize. It was a rough night. We can talk about it later. All of it.”
“What if I don’t want to talk about all of it?” Some of the iron that fortified who she was threaded back in her tone, and pride at her fight licked up my spine. My girl had the tools to take care of herself, the fight to keep herself safe, and that made the way I risked her every day feel less like a dick move.
“You don’t have a choice. That’s what more is, Reeve. You and me and all of it. But that can wait until tomorrow.”
She looked away from me and leaned her forehead on the passenger window. “Tomorrow is another day, but I’ll still be the same girl, Titus. You aren’t going to like what I have to tell you.”
“The story has a man hurting you and me nowhere around to stop it. It has you alone and scared while fighting for your life. Damn straight I’m not going to like what you have to tell me, Reeve. The rest of it I’m going to listen to and we’re going to work through because you have to trust me enough not to lie to me anymore.”
“I have always trusted you. It’s you trusting me that I’m adjusting to.”
“Then we’ll adjust together.”
I hoped they weren’t just empty words I was handing to her because she needed reassurance. I wanted to believe that we could indeed figure out something other than the strict black and white that ruled my life and the hazy gray that filled hers. This time when I put my hand on her knee she didn’t flinch or move away; instead she covered it with her own and squeezed.
Chapter 17
Reeve
TITUS’S HOUSE WAS A little bit like him. It was a tidy little Craftsman on the outside, with a perfectly mowed yard, but on the inside things were kind of messy and all over the place. It was easy to see from his decor that he was a bachelor and that he lived alone. There wasn’t a lady’s touch anywhere and the little furniture he did have was heavy and dark, covered in discarded items of clothing and dotted with empty beer bottles and empty takeout containers. Titus was sloppy in his own space, and I would have never believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.
I was tired and I hurt all over, so instead of jumping into the showdown I knew was waiting for me, I asked him if I could use the bathroom to clean up a little bit. He told me to wait a second and I heard him banging around as he was rushing to clean up a little bit before I saw even deeper into who the man behind the badge really was. It took him twenty minutes or so, but when he was done he came and got me, led me to a bathtub filled with steaming water, and waited while I crawled inside. He watched me as I sank my sore body into the heat and told me he would get me something else to wear since the stuff I had on was either trashed or borrowed. I nodded and watched as he walked stiffly out the door.
He was mad and trying to hide the fact while he struggled to be gentle for me. He was mad at me for lying and mad at himself for not being there when I needed him, and wasn’t sure which of those things had him more fired up. I also wasn’t sure that he was going to be able to look me in the eye after I told him why I had the gun and what my initial plan had been to do with it. He said we would work through it but I was going to let him down again, and I wasn’t sure his innate sense of morality was going to be able to handle me admitting I was fully intending to be part of another person’s death. It was a lot for anyone, especially a man with such a strict code of right and wrong, to have to muddle his way through.
I wasn’t supposed to get the stitches in my chin wet, so I submerged myself up to the top of my shoulders and did my best to scrub the raw wounds on my arms and legs. My hair floated out like a dark cloud around me and I had to concentrate really hard on my breathing so that I didn’t start shaking and crying all over again.
Not much scared me. I had seen a lot, lost a lot, suffered a lot, but being blindsided by Zero in a place that had felt so safe was enough to make me feel like I would never be secure again. He was just there, in my face and everywhere, without a sound and I knew he was there to kill me on Conner’s orders, but the look in his eye told me he would make it hurt and make me suffer for his own pleasure.